Lost and Found
by CMEllen90
Summary: Her life had been a mess since losing her mother at such a young age. After everything she'd done and been through, will she be able to find herself again? Will it be in the most unlikely of people? Rated M for language and later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

**September**

I breathed a sigh of relief as the train started moving, beginning our yearly journey back to school. It was my home away from home. Actually, Hogwarts was probably more home to me now than my house back in Scotland. I did spend the majority of the year there and I had my friends to pass the time. At home I had nothing. No one. Unless you count my drunk father as company.

The trees and empty land passed quickly and I sat in silence, watching. I was alone, but this was the happiest I'd been in months considering the hell I was put through this summer. My father seemed to get worse every year. The drinking became more frequent and I could barely remember who he was when he was sober anymore. He used to be kind and gentle and cared deeply for my mother and myself. But it has been years since I've seen that man. Now all I saw was anger. He was always angry. And mean. He would throw things and break anything in his reach. I won't even think of the nasty things he's called me. And I don't even know what made him flip the switch like that.

"There you are!" My attention snapped to the compartment door as it banged open. My best friend, Ginny Weasley flew into the tiny room with a flourish and snapped the door shut behind her before plopping down next to me on the bench. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Looks like you found me," I answered sweetly, holding my hands up in surrender.

"How was your summer?" Ginny asked, ignoring my comment and offering me a chocolate frog. She looked exactly as I remembered her. Same long red hair and big doe eyes. Same bouncy, happy behavior. It was why I liked her so much. Just being around her positive attitude put me at ease.

"Oh, you know," I shrugged, taking the candy and ripping the wrapper open. "Same old, same old."

Ginny swallowed a lump that seemed to be stuck in her throat and nodded her head knowingly. She knew a little of how my father was. She knew he had a drinking problem. She knew he hated me and called me nasty names. She didn't know that he had become violent over the last few years, though. I subconsciously tugged down on my sleeves to better cover the bruises on my wrists and was about to go into semi-detailed conversation about his latest episode when the compartment door opened once more and several familiar faces filed into the tiny room.

"I can't believe you aren't going to be in the dorms this year," Hermione, my other best friend, mentioned quietly as she thumbed through the Daily Prophet.

"Hi Hermione," I said.

"Oh, sorry," she stammered, looking up at me with a smile. "Hi."

"I know. It sucks," I mumbled, rolling my eyes and nodding at Ron Weasley and Harry Potter as they took empty seats next to Hermione. "Comes with the responsibility, I guess."

"WHAT?" Ginny practically yelled in surprise. "You're not going to be in the dorms?"

I shook my head as Hermione answered for me. "Now that she's Head Girl, she has to be in a whole separate wing with the Head Boy. I heard you're going to be in a private suite. You'll have your own bedrooms, bathroom, sitting area and kitchen." Hermione raised her eyebrows and said suggestively, "Or, at least, that's what Percy was telling me over the summer."

"But what am I supposed to do without you?" Ginny whined. I poked my bottom lip out at her and she hugged me.

"Don't be so sad, Gin. You still have us," Ron said, gesturing to himself and Harry.

Ginny narrowed her eyes at her older brother. "I'm so thrilled."

"Do you know who the Head Boy is?" Ron asked, ignoring his sister and turning back to Hermione and taking a huge bite from his pumpkin pasty.

"No. I'm supposed to see Professor Dumbledore after the welcome feast so he can give us our schedules," I answered, my head swirling with the possibilities of who could be my new suite-mate. Probably a stuck up Ravenclaw.

"So, since you have a private _suite_ can we, like, party and stuff without someone tattling?" Ginny asked quietly.

We all stared at each other, pondering the question. Oh, the possibilities.

Over the years, we'd all grown quite fond of our nights off when someone would smuggle in some alcohol or weed from one of the townies in Hogsmeade. It had become a usual Friday night thing for us to unwind, until some first year know-it-all would go rat us out. Fortunately none of us ever got in any real trouble. Usually just a few house points were taken and that was that. Maybe this year, with any luck, we would be able to hang out without the fear of getting caught.

"I'll have to check it out first and make sure there isn't anything standing in our way, but I don't see why not," I finally said, breaking the thought-filled silence. "Honestly, I can't wait to get my hands on some of that wine we had at the Christmas party last year."

"Ooh! That stuff was delicious!" Ginny gushed.

"I've been dying for a cigarette," Harry chimed in for the first time since he'd arrived. "It's been months since I had one."

"You couldn't walk to the store and get some, mate?" Ron asked, raising an eyebrow.

Harry just shook his head. "No Muggle money." His eyes landed on me then, giving me a once over and confusion creasing his brows. "Are you OK? You look different," he told me. It was as if he forgot everyone else in the room.

My eyes darted to Ron, who shrugged, letting me know he had no idea where it came from but didn't say anything. I looked back at Harry with confusion in my eyes. "Is that bad?"

"N-no," he stuttered, looking embarrassed. "No, not bad. Just different than I remembered." Everyone, including myself, stared at him as his face turned bright red and his eyes flew to the floor. "Anyways, I'm going to go find the snack trolley," he mumbled, running a shaking hand through his messing hair and shifting towards the door. "Ron, you coming?" he said without turning around.

Ron shot a nervous smile at me before taking off after Harry. The room was silent for what felt like hours as I stared at the compartment door. _What the hell was that about?_ I asked myself. I mean, I guess I had done some growing up over the summer. My hair was longer, my lips fuller. My once subtle curves were more defined, but otherwise I looked pretty much the same. Or, at least I thought I did.

"Well then," Hermione said, breaking me out of my trance. "I'll see you at dinner. I'm going to go change." She left without another word.

"Is it just me or is everyone getting more awkward as the years go on," I asked Ginny, the only person left in the compartment with me. "I think we are all in desperate need of some substance abuse."

She shook her head in confusion and turned back to me. "You do look different, Ava," Ginny said quietly, concern lacing her face.

"People change," I shrugged, flipping through the magazine that I realized was clutched in my hands. "No big deal."

Ginny shook her head and snatched the magazine from my hands, tossing it to the bench across from us. "It's not just that. You haven't just changed physically. Although, I have to say, you totally look hot! I need to take a page from your book because you've never looked better!" I rolled my eyes. "Back on subject, though. You don't just look different. You _seem_ different. You carry yourself differently and don't seem like your usual self. What's going on?"

"I'm just exhausted, Gin. I've spent the last few months around my dad. You know how he is," I reasoned. "It just takes me a little while to adjust back to this. Is that OK?"

Ginny sighed. "Yes, of course it's OK. I just worry about you." She hugged me tightly and I swallowed all of the things I wish I had the strength to say.

For the rest of the train ride Ginny filled me in on everything that had been going on with her brothers. Besides Ron, it had been a while since I'd seen the rest of her family. We met back up with Hermione, Harry and Ron to share a carriage up to the castle and then made our way to the Gryffindor table in the great hall. There were a few awkward glances at me as I passed by the other tables. I was used to it. No one had really gotten over the news of what happened to me and my mother. It wasn't that everyone knew her. It was from the horribleness of that night and the fact that I had survived. I felt like people were waiting for me to have this huge breakdown about it even five years later.

 _I was 11 years old when it happened. I was home on Christmas break from my first year at Hogwarts and my dad had stepped out to grab a few things from the store for breakfast the next morning. My mother thought he would be back quickly, but hours passed and it was getting late so we decided to go to bed. I was just drifting off and thought I heard angry voices coming from downstairs, but was too far gone to tell. When I woke up, my room was filled with smoke. So much that I choked and coughed as I sucked in a scared breath. I ran across my room and tried to open my bedroom door, but my hand was immediately burned from the heat. I screamed, turning quickly towards my window. As I fumbled with the lock, the flames reached my room. I could feel the heat melting my pajamas and the skin on my back as I finally threw the window open and tumbled through it. It felt like forever before I finally hit the ground. But when I did, I hit hard against the snow and I blacked out._

 _When I woke up three days later, I was at St. Mungo's burn unit and my father was fast asleep in the chair next to my bed. I didn't believe him when he told me that my mother died in the fire and he insisted that I must have been dreaming the angry voices that night. We never spoke of it after the funeral, though. I never asked questions and he never gave answers. It was a downward spiral from there._

I took my seat between Ginny and Ron with Harry and Hermione across from us and we all dug in to the mountains of food in front of us. The first years were sorted quickly into their houses and the Headmaster made his welcome speech. I watched everyone around me as they chatted happily, realizing how much I missed this over the summer. My usual dinners at home consisted of a frozen meal and silence.

Dean Thomas plopped himself down in the seat next to Hermione with a roll in his hand and a bright smile on his face. "Hey Ava. How was your summer?"

"It was all right. Yours?" I asked politely. Dean had done some growing up over the summer as well, I noticed.

"Eh, can't complain," he shrugged, taking a bite out of his roll. "I hear you're Head Girl this year. That's awesome! I'll miss you in the common room, though. Maybe we can all come check out your new place sometime," he suggested as casually as he could.

I blinked a few times before answering. "That would be good. I can imagine how lonely I'll get without everyone's company."

Dean flashed another smile at me as he stood back up. "You look great by the way. I'll catch you later."

I stared after him, realizing just how good looking he was. I didn't remember him being that attractive. His muscles had filled out nicely and his jaw was very strong. He was tall, too, nearly a foot taller than last year. He sat back down between Seamus Finnigan and Neville Longbottom and joined their conversation. It was only when his eyes drifted over to me that I looked away, blushing.

"I think he likes you, Ava," Hermione noted quietly while the rest of our group went on talking about Quidditch try outs.

I opened my mouth to respond, but was cut off by the headmaster silencing the room. "My dear students, I hope you all have enjoyed your meal. Please be cautious on your way to your dorms. Wouldn't want any of you getting lost on your first night back. If my new Head Boy and Head Girl would kindly meet me back in my office for a short meeting. Miss Blair, Mr. Malfoy," he nodded towards me and then to the platinum blonde head at the Slytherin table.

I froze and my whole table became silent once more as they all stared at me. I glanced over at Malfoy, who, to my surprise was smiling at me. No, not a smile. It was the disgustingly charming smirk that he was famous for. I was not going to survive the year if I had to share a dorm with him. He had spent the last five years taunting my friends. I hated him and his stupid smirk.

I watched him get up from the table next to mine, never taking his eyes off of me. "You coming, Blair?" he sneered.

I ignored him and looked down at my friends from where I stood, still frozen. "How?" I asked. "How is _he_ a Head Boy? He's-he's awful!"

"Well, he's liked by several teachers and he's always had good marks in class," Hermione mumbled quietly, causing everyone to frown at her.

"You'll be all right, Ava. Just ignore him the best you can," Ginny said finally, giving my hand a squeeze.

"Yeah and if you need me to punch him in the face, I'm all for it," Ron added.

"I might take you up on that," I mumbled before following Malfoy out of the great hall. I expected him to have waited so he could torture me the whole way to Dumbledore's office, but he was nowhere to be seen so I continued through the halls by myself.

Surprisingly, we managed to make it through the whole meeting with Dumbledore without Malfoy cracking a joke or making a rude comment. I expect it was for the headmaster's benefit, though. We were told where our new dorm was and all the rules we had to follow. We weren't allowed in each others bedrooms. We could only have visitors before 8 pm on a school night and before 10 pm on the weekends. The list goes on. After receiving our schedules for hall patrol, we were lectured about the high standard we were being held to and to not take this trust lightly as we'd have a lot of authority this year. Unfortunately, all of this information went in one ear and out the other. Everyone knew that Prefects were the worst at following rules.

Now, as we walked silently to where our new rooms would be, as far apart as the hall would let us, I grieved in silence of what rooming with Malfoy would mean. I suppose I would wake up every morning and be greeted with some form of vicious comment. Maybe he would play tricks on me to have ways to embarrass me later. I didn't know what to expect at this point.

"Home, sweet home," Draco mumbled, stopping suddenly in front of a large black wooden door.

"Oh joy," I muttered stepping through the door he'd just opened.

We stood just inside the door, taking in our surroundings. To the left was a reading corner complete with floor to ceiling bookshelves and two fluffy armchairs with a lamp hanging over both of them. On the far wall was a small dining table set for four and a small kitchen. The fridge, microwave and sink all matched in steely silver. There was a small door that was slightly open to reveal a staircase. I assumed it led to the bedrooms and bathroom. And to our right was a fluffy couch on a fur rug in front of a fireplace where a fire crackled away lightly.

I swallowed hard, staring into the fire. A strange feeling came over me. It was a familiar feeling that I got quite often. Like fear and adrenaline all at the same time. I swallowed again and wrapped my arms tightly around myself.

"I can put it out if you want," Malfoy said, looking at me questioningly.

I was suddenly very aware of him. His arm grazed mine, causing a shiver to roll up my spine. I looked up at his startlingly silver eyes and blinked rapidly. "No," I said calmly. "I'm going upstairs anyway." And I left without another look at him. I didn't want to give him the opportunity to make fun of me.

My room was very plain. I suspect it was because Dumbledore wanted to give us the opportunity to decorate on our own. With a swish of my wand everything changed. Twinkle lights hung from the walls and ceilings. The bed sheets were fluffy and white with four fluffy pillows at the headboard. A large cream colored fur rug was spread on the floor and all of my personal belongings were put away neatly. I took it all in, as this was probably the only time my room would be this clean.

After a moment I sighed and grabbed my shower things, pajamas and the bottle of wine I'd stashed in my trunk before heading into the bathroom. I noticed on the way that Malfoy's door was shut, meaning he'd come upstairs as well. I closed the door and got undressed, popping the cork on the wine bottle and taking a long pull from it. I ignored my reflection in the mirror and stepped into the frosted glass shower. I turned the knob as hot as it could go and closed my eyes as the burning hot water soaked me, reveling in the feeling.

I must have been standing there for quite some time because before I knew it, the bottle in my hand was empty, my head was fuzzy and there was loud banging coming from the other side of the bathroom door.

"Are you going to be in there all night?" Draco yelled. "There better still be hot water!"

Ah, there it was. I'd been waiting for that Malfoy wrath all night. He banged away on the door as I turned the water off and wrapped a towel around myself. I rubbed my head, trying to make the floor stop spinning before I took a quick glance in the mirror. I looked drunk, but at this time I could thankfully pass for tired. My long dark hair dripped water onto the floor and there were dark circles under my eyes. The pounding continued.

"Oh my god!" I finally yelled, having had enough and swinging the door open to reveal a half naked Draco Malfoy. He was only in a pair of dark gray sweatpants now and his arm was still raised as if to bang on the door some more. "Could you be any more annoying?" I snapped.

"Well, you've been in here for damn near two hours! You do have a roommate, you know?" he said, pushing passed me. "Ah, I see what you were doing now." He picked up the empty wine bottle and shook it at me. "Couldn't save me any, I guess."

"It would be a cold day in hell before I share a drink with you, ferret," I bit out.

"Oh, so the lioness has fangs," he chuckled, throwing me a smirk. "Maybe you should have been sorted into Slytherin."

"Fuck you, Malfoy," I grumbled, grabbing the rest of my things and retreating into my room.

"Just tell me when and where, love," he countered with a wink. I heard him slam the bathroom door and the water turn back on. I was seething at this point. I didn't understand how someone like him got under people's skin so easily. It was like he knew what buttons to push for everyone.

I slid on a pair of short black boyshorts and an almost see-through white tank top that barely covered my stomach. I didn't usually wear this little to bed, but it was pretty warm in the dorm. As I heard the shower turn off, I was slipping a thin silver chain around my neck. It belonged to my mother and it was the one thing I was able to salvage from my burned belongings. I opened the circular locket that hung from it and stared down at the picture of my mother. She was young and beautiful and care free then. I heard the door to Malfoy's room close with a soft click and I shut the locket.

Now that I knew he was in his own room I opened the drawer to my nightstand and pulled out a pill bottle. I chased an Oxycontin with a few gulps of water and placed the bottle back in the drawer towards the back and pulled a cigarette out of the pack before shutting the drawer. This was my normal nightly ritual when I was home. It helped me deal with my crazy father and to adjust back to school.

Sitting in the chair by the window, I lit my cigarette with my wand and took a deep inhale. Closing my eyes as the nicotine hit me. I cracked the window and blew the smoke out into the open air. I was happy to be back here. Even if it did mean sharing a suite with Draco Malfoy. I would gladly deal with him over my father any day.

The thought of my father reminded me of the bruises on my wrists. I looked down at the now greenish blue marks in disgust. They were left there almost a week ago when Alec Blair came home drunk. Again. He stormed through the door yelling that I wasn't going back to school. He said that I left him alone way too much and he needed me to help around the house. We argued as I started packing my things and he grabbed my wrists, squeezing them tight. Somehow I managed to get out of his grip and out the front door. I went back for my stuff when I knew he wasn't there. Luckily, I'd had enough money to get a hotel for the rest of the week before returning for school. I hadn't told anyone that's where I was before getting on the train.

I sucked in another breath of smoke and breathed it out as I realized I'd smoked the whole cigarette already. Sighing, I closed the window and got under the covers in my very large bed and drifted into a drug induced sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

When I woke up the next morning the sun was just starting to rise. I stretched lazily and peaked into the hall. Malfoy's door was shut. He must still be asleep. I breathed a sigh of relief, grabbed a sweater and headed downstairs to make a cup of tea.

The kitchen floor was cold on my feet, but the rest of me was comfortable so I tossed my sweater on the back of one of the dining chairs and waited for the kettle to whistle. I rummaged through the cabinets while I waited, finding little snack items and quick meals. Nothing too special. I assumed it was there if we ever ran late and couldn't make it to a meal in time.

"You either forgot what you were wearing to bed last night or you must really want me to fuck you," Malfoy's lazy drawl sounded from behind me.

I jumped, slamming the cabinet shut as I turned around to face him. "Excuse me?" I squeaked. His usually messy blonde hair was even messier and again wearing no shirt. Was he going to make a habit of this?

"Your clothes. Or, lack there of," he said, sweeping a hand towards me. "You like being a tease?"

My eyes widened as I realized what he meant. I'd slept in nothing but underwear and a crop top. Then, to my horror, his eyes landed on my shoulder. My pink, mangled, scarred shoulder. I sucked in a breath and hurried to throw my oversized sweater over my head. Thankfully, I'd grabbed one of the few that went almost to my knees.

Draco chuckled. "Oh, come on. Don't cover up for me. I wasn't complaining." He took the screaming kettle off the stove and filled two mugs with the steaming liquid. "Tea?" he asked. I nodded and watched him dip a tea bag in each mug before handing me one and sitting at the table.

I sipped my tea and stared out of the tiny window over the kitchen sink, very aware of the silver eyes that studied me. "Stop that," I finally snapped after several long minutes. I looked over at him and realized he was smirking. "Stop that, too," I added.

His smirk turned into an outright grin. "Stop what?" he asked, feigning innocence. His eyes sparkled with amusement as they peaked over his mug at me.

"Stop staring at me. It's very unsettling," I mumbled. He smirked again. "And stop smirking."

"Do I make you nervous?"

"No, not nervous," I said slowly, thinking of the right word to say. "Uncomfortable."

His smile faltered, just for a split second. He composed himself quickly and motioned to the seat opposite him. "Why don't you sit down. I bet if you spent a little time with me, you would feel better."

"I'd rather not." Without looking at him, I rinsed my mug in the sink and set it on the counter. I didn't understand why he wasn't being his normal ass hole self. It was like he actually wanted to get to know me. I was half way to the stairs when he asked something that made me stop in my tracks.

"Is it from the fire?" he asked quietly. "Your shoulder?"

I didn't turn around immediately. My breathing had become thick with anger and my hand clutched the locket around my neck. No one _ever_ asked about my scars. I wasn't even sure anyone besides Ginny and Hermione had seen them. They were a constant reminder of what I'd been through and I hated them. The ugly marks started at my collar bone and reached all the way down the right side of my back. They made me feel ugly and embarrassed all the time and whenever I thought about them I was taken right back to that day. I could still smell the burning flesh and feel the pain I went through while I tried to escape the house.

"I'm sorry," Malfoy said, pulling me out of my thoughts. "You don't have to answer. I'm just being nosy."

My hand dropped from the necklace and I spun around to face him. "Why do you care? You've never shown interest in anything but yourself for the last five years so why now?" My voice was harsh and cold and I think I caught him by surprise because he stared at me for several long moments before he answered.

"I just figured we might as well _try_ to be friends at least. I mean, we are going to be living together for the next two years," he mumbled quietly.

I wrinkled my nose in disgust. "Why in the world would I ever be friends with _you_? You have been nothing but horrible since the first day we all stepped foot in this school. You are arrogant and conceited and the only reason I'm even tolerating you this year is because I have to share a bathroom with you. We are nothing more than roommates. Got it?"

With raised eyebrows Malfoy responded a quiet, "Sure."

I turned on my heels and walked up the stairs, slamming the door to my bedroom. I was still seething as I threw my pajamas off and changed into a white button down shirt, black skirt and tights. I didn't know why I'd gotten so angry. He just got under my skin somehow. I had finally calmed myself when a quiet knock came from my door. I sighed, threw on my Gryffindor cloak and pulled the door open to reveal my uncomfortable looking roommate.

"You have a visitor," he said before retreating into his own room to change.

I stared at his closed door for a moment, deciding whether I should apologize or not. I figured I should let it settle for the day and maybe I would say something later. After slipping my shoes on and tucking my wand into my sleeve I made my way back down stairs to see who was here. I expected it to be Ginny so I was very surprised when I found Dean Thomas lounging on the sofa.

"Good morning, Ava!" Dean said happily, jumping up off the couch and taking my hand.

"Morning, Dean. What are you doing here?" I asked, watching with wide eyes as he lightly kissed the back of my hand. What a gentleman. He was dark and handsome and his golden brown eyes sparkled down at me. Not a bad sight to wake up to.

"I was hoping you would let me walk you to breakfast."

"Sure. Just let me grab my bag." I took the steps two at a time, not paying attention to where I was going and when I reached the top I collided with what felt like a brick wall. I gasped as I started to fall back down the steps when two strong hands grabbed my waist and pulled me back up. Once I'd found my balance again I looked up at Malfoy's curious expression.

"Falling for me already, Blair?" he asked, a playful grin spreading across his face. I noticed a small freckle next to the corner of his mouth.

"You wish," I mumbled, trying to step around him and failing.

"In a hurry, are we? Can't wait to be back in Deanikins' arms?"

"Shut it, Malfoy. I don't have time to listen to your mouth," I snapped, pushing past him into my room.

"What? I don't get a thank you? I did just save your life," he said playfully, staying right on my heels.

"Nope. Now go away," I grumbled.

"Aw, come on! We're roomies now. We should, like, gossip and stuff," he said in a mock girl tone as he flopped onto my bed and batted his eyes at me.

It took everything in me not to laugh. It was very weird seeing a Slytherin behave this way, much less a Malfoy. I picked up my bag, throwing it over my shoulder before turning back to face him. "One: don't _ever_ talk like that again. Two: we are not friends so there will be no gossiping and no talk of boyfriends or girlfriends. And three: Get. Off. My. Bed." With the last command I grabbed his elbow with a vice-like grip and pulled him off of my bed, steering him out of my room.

"I guess doing each others nails is out of the question, then?" he called after me as I walked down the stairs. I gave him the finger without turning around and met Dean at the door to the hallway.

"So how was your first night with the enemy?" Dean asked as we made our way to the great hall for breakfast.

I shrugged. "As good as can be expected I guess."

"Was he mean to you?" He looked at me with concerned eyes. "Because if he was, you know I'll set him straight for you."

"You don't have to do that. He wasn't mean, just awkward," I said honestly. "If anything, I was the mean one."

"I can't imagine how weird it must be for you being out of Gryffindor tower," he said quietly. "And rooming with a Slytherin at that."

"It's not all bad. I have my own room and an awesome shower and my own kitchen filled with snacks," I bragged.

"Jeez. When can I move in?" Dean laughed.

We walked in silence the rest of the way. It was an awkward silence. I felt like he kept wanting to say something, but couldn't form the words. When we reached the doors to the great hall, Dean took my hand and stopped me. He seemed nervous, but eager to say something. A small smile formed on my mouth as I watched him run a shaky hand over the back of his neck.

"Well, spit it out," I encouraged. "I won't bite."

He blew out a nervous breath. "The first trip to Hogsmeade is next weekend. I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go with me. We could have dinner and maybe do a little shopping."

"I'd love to," I said with no hesitation. He smiled and led the way into the great hall for breakfast.

The first two weeks back at school seemed to fly by with astonishing ease. Malfoy kept his distance, only muttering a quiet "Good morning" when we got up every day. Other than that, I barely saw him unless it was in passing. If we weren't manning the halls I assumed he was off somewhere with Pansy Parkinson. They seemed pretty friendly when I saw them together at meals. And in class. And in the halls. Actually, I don't think I ever saw Malfoy anymore unless Pansy was hanging on his arm. The expression on his face made it hard to tell whether she was welcome there or not.

If I wasn't with Ginny I would spend the majority of my time with Dean. We sat together in class and at meals, taking every opportunity to get to know each other better. We'd always been friends, but mostly only because we hung out with the same people. Now we were actually becoming closer and so far, I liked what I knew. That's a good thing since our date in Hogsmeade is tomorrow.

After dinner on Friday I decided to hang out in the Gryffindor common room for a while before going back to my own room. I was sitting around the fire with Dean, Hermione, Ginny, Harry, Ron and Seamus talking about the gruesome assignment that Professor Snape gave as a welcome back gift for all of us. We each had to write an impossibly long essay about the structure of a potion of our choosing and it was due by the beginning of class on Monday.

"Anyway," Ginny grumbled, changing the subject. "Any of you going to Hogsmeade tomorrow?"

"Hermione and I might," Ron chimed in. "She says we need a new book about something or other to help with Herbology." He was clearly annoyed.

"If you're going to pass the class this year then you need all the help you can get, Ronald," Hermione sniffed. "And besides, we could use some time away from the castle."

Dean cut Ron off before he could start a bickering battle between the two. "Ava and I are going but not till later in the day for dinner."

"So let me get this straight," Ginny huffed. "It's our first Hogsmeade trip of the year and you guys are turning it into a couple-y thing? How is that fair?"

"We never said you couldn't come, Gin," I told her, very aware of Dean's hand on my knee.

"What? And be a third wheel? No thanks," Ginny whined.

"Why don't you and Harry come with us then?" Hermione suggested, which she immediately regretted as Ginny's whole face turned the color of her hair. I bit my tongue to keep from laughing at her.

"Yeah, let's go Ginny. It will be fun," Harry finally said.

"Fine," she huffed. I could tell that past her irritated outside she was beaming inside. She'd had a crush on Harry for years.

"Well, I should get going," I said after what felt like several minutes of everyone staring at each other.

"What? You just got here," Dean said sadly.

"Yeah, but it's getting late and I've got to start that essay if I want to go out tomorrow," I said, standing up. I said my good-byes and Dean walked me to the portrait hole.

"I'll meet you at your room tomorrow afternoon," Dean said, leaning down and placing a soft kiss on my lips. "Good night." It was quick and gentle and I was overwhelmed with the smell of some kind of strong cologne.

"Good night," I said, still shocked at the feel of his lips on mine.

As I walked down the corridor towards my dorm, my mind wandered from Dean's spontaneous kiss to where Draco might be at the moment. I wondered if I might have the common room to myself for a while or if he would be there. I hoped to have some alone time to start my essay without him bothering me. Those hopes were squashed pretty quickly when I arrived at my door and pushed it open.

The room was loud from music pumping through the common area and the air was thick with smoke. I took in the familiar faces of the Slytherins that partied around me. Crabbe and Goyle were playing some card game in the Library as they sloshed what I could only assume was an alcoholic beverage all over the rug. Pansy Parkinson and two Slytherin girls I'd seen many times but couldn't for the life of me remember their names were busy in the kitchen making some kind of mixed drink. Draco and Blaise Zabini lounged on the couch, smoking. I really hoped it was weed. The only good that could come from this is getting my hands on something better than a cigarette.

"Lion in the snake pit!" Goyle yelled suddenly and everyone's eyes turned to me and the music immediately turned down to a soft hum.

"I was wondering when you would show up!" Draco mumbled lazily, draping his arms over the back of the couch. He was obviously stoned. "Come on! Come sit with us!"

"No thanks," I grumbled, moving towards the stairs. It was odd seeing a Malfoy so relaxed and care free.

"Aw, please! It will be fun!" Draco begged. His eyes were glazed over, causing me to swallow a laugh that bubbled in my throat.

I glanced over at a seething Pansy. She was definitely pissed that he was being nice to me. This could be fun. I smirked and walked closer to him. "What do I get if I do?"

Draco seemed to sober slightly at my response. He sat up straighter. "What do you want?"

"Excuse me?" Pansy whined from the kitchen.

"Shut the fuck up, Pansy," Blaise snapped, intrigued by the situation.

I was leaning right over Draco now with my elbows on the back of the couch. "Maybe I want you," I said suggestively, licking my lips seductively for effect.

Draco gulped. I could tell he was nervous. "Really?"

"Not a chance." I smiled, plucking the joint out of his hand and putting it between my lips. "And this is payment for ruining my quiet time, ass holes." I giggled before darting up the stairs. I could hear "Damn" and "She got you, Draco!" then Pansy's horrible shrieking about how pissed she was. "How could you let her humiliate me like that!" was all I heard before I slammed and locked my bedroom door.

After taking off my robe I flopped down on my giant bed, smiling as I inhaled. I could feel myself float higher as I blew the smoke from my lungs. It was fun teasing Malfoy. Especially when I got a rise out of Parkinson as well. I would have to do it more often. I couldn't have been in my room for longer than a few minutes before a soft knock sounded on my door.

Groaning, I got up and opened it to find Draco standing in front of me with his hands behind his back. "If you think I'm coming back down to hang out with your crowd, think again," I snapped, taking another deep inhale from the joint.

"I sent them all away," he said with a small shrug of his shoulders. "I was thinking we could hang out instead."

I raised an eyebrow. "Won't your little girlfriend be pissed?" I blame it on the marijuana and oxy cocktail I was on for not immediately saying no.

"Eh, she's always pissed. And she's not my girlfriend."

"Does she know that?" I asked with a little laugh.

He ignored my question. "If we're going to live together for the next two years, we might as well get to know each other," he reasoned. I gave him a skeptical face. He smiled and brought a bottle of wine, two glasses and a bag of cookies out from behind his back. "I brought a peace offering."

I really wanted a cookie. And the wine. "Fine," I finally said, snatching the cookie bag from him. "But if you even try to make a pass at me I'll break your perfectly straight nose."

"Deal," he said, handing me a glass.


	3. Chapter 3

Ugh. What is that banging noise? Why is it so loud? It felt like someone was playing drums on my scalp. I groaned as I finally sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes. I had to blink several times before they focused. My room was a mess. Clothes littered the floor and the empty wine bottle and glasses were tipped over. It smelled like stale weed and chocolate chip cookies. The sun poured in from the window and bounced off the opposite wall.

The banging started again.

"What the hell is that noise?" Draco grumbled from beside me, turning over and letting out a faint snore.

I jumped and turned towards him. All I could see was the back of his pale blonde head. Had he slept in here last night? What the hell happened? I froze, suddenly very aware that my legs were bare under the sheets. I groaned. _Please don't be naked. Please don't be naked. Please don't be naked._ I repeated in my head before slowly peaking under the covers. Draco had on his usual black sweat pants and I was in shorts and a crop top. I breathed a sigh of relief realizing that we must have changed at some point last night.

I quietly slipped out of my bedroom and down the stairs to the common room, leaving Draco snoring in my bed. Someone was banging on the door. No, not banging. Now that I had snapped out of the fog in my head the loud banging had turned into a regular knock.

"Alright, alright!," I yelled as I wrenched open the door and squinted at the bright light that hit me from the hallway. My eyes focused to find Dean standing in front of me with a surprised look on his face. "Dean! What are you doing here?" I asked, just as surprised as he looked. I suddenly wished I had put on a robe before I came down.

"What do you mean? It's two o'clock in the afternoon," he told me.

My eyes widened. "W-what?"

"I'm here for our date," he said, a little hurt. "We can reschedule if you want."

I shook my head, still not believing I'd slept so late. "No, it's OK. Come in. I'll just be a minute."

"Seriously, Ava. If you want to reschedule we can. It's not a big deal. I can tell you're tired," he said with a hint of irritation to his voice. He closed the door behind him. "Did the essay keep you up?"

I faltered, but only for a moment before answering, "Yeah. I got a lot done, though."

"Figured. Seamus has been up most of the night as well," he said.

"Yeah, this assignment sucks. Just let me go change," I said, leaning up and placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

"You smell like weed," he noted.

"Oh, shit. Malfoy had some people over last night. I stole one of their joints as payment for them disturbing me," I said, embarrassed. It wasn't a total lie."Do you mind if I take a quick shower?"

"Not at all. Is there tea?" he asked.

"Yeah. Second cabinet on the right. Help yourself," I told him as I took the steps two at a time back up to my room. I shut the door and turned to face the bed. Draco was still passed out. I threw the covers off of him, but he didn't even budge. I took a moment to awe at his defined back muscles before shaking myself out of it and poking him roughly in the ribs.

"Five more minutes," he grumbled, turning his head away from me.

"We don't have five minutes," I hissed. "It's already two in the afternoon and Dean is waiting downstairs for me to go to Hogsmeade."

Draco sat up quickly and looked at me with sleepy eyes. "We really slept until after lunch?"

"Yes, and if you don't mind, I need to shower and get dressed," I said, tugging on his arm.

"I don't mind," he said with a smug smile, leaning back against the pillows and lacing his fingers behind his head. "Just pretend I'm not here."

My nostrils flared. "Fine. Stay in bed. I don't have time for this." I yanked the covers all the way off of him to show my irritation and grabbed a change of clothes, retreating into the bathroom with the image of Draco's perfectly chiseled chest burned into my retinas.

I showered and dressed in record time. Thankfully my room was empty when I returned. I threw my dirty clothes on the floor, grabbed my wand and headed back downstairs. I thought Draco had returned to his own room to get dressed, so I was very surprised to find him in the kitchen locked in a death stare with Dean. Draco had a smug smirk on his face while Dean was shooting daggers.

"Down boys," I murmured, pulling gently on Dean's elbow. "You ready?"

Dean looked down at me and smiled. "Ready when you are, babe."

I turned back to Draco as we walked towards the door and noticed that his smirk was gone and replaced with something I couldn't read. I shot a small smile at him before the door shut behind us. A small part of me felt guilty for leaving him there after we'd spent the whole night together.

Dean and I spent the afternoon walking around Hogsmeade and talking about our summers. He bought me a few sweets from the chocolate shop and we had a drink with Seamus before going to dinner. Surprisingly, we didn't run into the rest of our friends, but I was actually a little glad about that. They would have put more pressure on this date than there already was.

"So I hope you had fun today," Dean said after we were both finished with our meals.

"I did," I said, smiling. It was true. I did have fun with him. But I couldn't help the fact that my mind kept wandering to what had happened the previous night. As the day went on, my memories had slowly returned.

Dean reached across the table and took my hand. "Enough to go on a second one?"

"I guess," I said teasingly with a sigh. I laughed as he poked out his bottom lip. "Of course."

We walked hand in hand on our way back to the castle. Slowly, as neither of us really wanted the night to end. We knew that tomorrow we would both be busy with our essays and then a new week would start and we wouldn't be able to do this until the next free weekend.

Too soon we found ourselves at my door once again. I turned to face him and took in his hopeful expression. "Thanks for today," I said lamely.

He laughed. "You're welcome. I enjoyed it."

"Me, too," I said. "I'd ask you to come in, but my roommate might not like that too much."

"Since when do Gryffindors care what Slytherins like?" he asked as he placed his hands on my hips.

I swallowed, suddenly nervous. "Good point," I said breathlessly. Before I could say anything else, his lips came crashing down on mine and my back was pressed up against the wall. I dropped the bag of chocolates on the floor next to us and he pressed closer to me, deepening the kiss. It was rough and needy and it made me uncomfortable. He nipped my bottom lip and squeezed my hips a little too hard. Finally, I was able to break away. "We should stop," I said, panting.

"Why?" Dean half whined, moving my hair out of the way to kiss my neck.

"That's why," I groaned. "I don't want to move too fast."

Dean sighed and smiled down at me before picking up the bag of chocolates. "I get it. We can take it as slow as you want."

I smiled, taking the bag from him. "I'll see you tomorrow?" He nodded, gave me one more peck on the lips and walked down the hallway and out of sight.

When I opened the door to my common room I immediately wished I had asked Dean to come in because Pansy Parkinson was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of tea in front of her. I sighed as I shut the door behind me and started making my own cup of tea. I was very aware of her eyes drilling holes into the back of my head.

"I don't know if you're aware," Pansy sneered finally, "but Draco and I have been seeing each other for quite some time now. And because you are his new roommate, I feel like it's my responsibility to tell you that just because you live with him doesn't give you a claim over him."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked calmly, rolling my eyes since she couldn't see my face.

"You don't have to get all buddy-buddy with my boyfriend just because he sleeps in the next room," she said, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

I turned to face her, suddenly very irritated. Just the sound of her shrill voice gave me a headache. "You're joking, right?" I asked.

Pansy stood up and took a few steps towards me. "I just wanted to make sure you know who Draco belongs to and who you will have to deal with if you ever forget that."

She was serious down to her bones when she told me this. I couldn't control it. I started laughing and couldn't stop for quite some time. Pansy just stared at me while I giggled uncontrollably. She looked pissed that I wasn't taking her seriously and I didn't care. Either she was crazy or Draco lied last night when he said Pansy wasn't his girlfriend. Either way, this was just too funny.

"Think this is funny, do you?" Pansy finally seethed.

"Yeah, actually, I do." I finally caught my breath. "I'm sure I don't know Malfoy quite as well as you do, I'll give you that, but I know enough about him to know that he wouldn't let _anyone_ make a claim on him. Especially not a low-life Gryffindor like me." I stepped around her to take a seat at the table and took a sip of my tea. "Believe me, you have nothing to worry about."

Pansy was about to say something else, but someone cleared their throat by the stairs. We both turned to find Draco standing in the doorway to the kitchen. He was wearing a loose fitting black v-neck tee and ripped jeans. Very casual compared to his usual button-downs and slacks. His hair was a platinum mess and hung in his eyes. "You two getting along?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh yeah. Everything's peachy," I said sweetly, plastering a giant fake smile on my face.

Pansy narrowed her eyes at me before turning towards Draco. "Drakie, can we go please. I'm bored," Pansy whined. She slid her hand across his chest in a seductive way. Probably to make sure her "threat" sank in.

I stuck out my tongue in a mock-gag and I could tell it took everything in Draco not to laugh. "Sure," he said through gritted teeth before turning to me. "You OK?"

Slightly surprised, I nodded. "Have fun, you two," I said sweetly. And I watched them go, Pansy clinging to his arm as always.

I was annoyed at myself for being disappointed that Draco wouldn't be around tonight. Honestly I'd been looking forward to hanging out again. It was a weird feeling, wanting to spend time with someone I'd been taught to hate in the past. Every one of my friends hated him, so I felt the need to hate him as well even though he'd never said a bad thing to me. I also didn't understand why he was someone I could be so open with. Like I could trust him.

While I was on my date with Dean some of the things that happened last night with Draco had started to come back. It wasn't anything too bad or shocking, but it was still a big deal to me because of who Draco is. I remember talking about our families. He told me about his childhood and that it was very lonely as his father was always gone on "business trips" and his mother filled her time with spa appointments and other leisurely events, leaving him at home with the house elves. I, in turn, told him about the night my mother died and the scars on my back. I told him that my father drank a lot and wasn't around very often and when he was around he wasn't a very nice person. I even told him that my father was sometimes violent. I didn't go into detail, but I'm pretty sure he understood.

I couldn't believe I had shared so much about my life with him, but that wasn't even the most surprising part for me. What caught me off guard was remembering all of the innocent touches we shared as we talked. The brush of our hands as we both reached for the wine. Him pushing the hair out of my face and behind my ear. Me placing a comforting hand on his arm while he confided in me. It was all a blur that was slowly coming into focus.

I smiled and closed my eyes. The memory of his hand on mine sent a spark through me. Then as I remembered my day with Dean, my instinct was to blame all of the drugs and alcohol that were in my system last night and I felt guilty.

I sighed and swallowed the last of my tea. After rinsing my cup I went upstairs to my bedroom and changed into a pair of faded leggings and a loose sweater. As I was brushing my hair I noticed a small box on my bed. It was a gorgeous black wood and had a silver 'A' engraved into the top. Slowly, I opened the top to reveal three perfectly rolled joints and a note. I smiled as I read Draco's flawless handwriting.

 _Save me some._

 _-D_

"Don't tell me you've been doing homework this whole time," Draco said as he walked into my bedroom and kicked his shoes off. "It's Saturday night."

"If I don't do it now, I'll never do it," I admitted, setting down my quill and sitting up on the bed to stretch. I'd been working on my essay for a few hours and I figured it had to be just past midnight now. Draco looked the same as he did when he left, but a little tired. There was an irritated crease between his eyebrows. "Busy night with Queen Pansy?"

He snorted and picked up my school things from the bed. "If you call listening to her bitch about everything that comes to mind for two hours keeping busy." After setting my things neatly on the table by the window he flopped onto the bed next to me, lacing his fingers behind his head and closing his eyes. His shirt had come up a little to reveal the smooth skin beneath. I noticed he had a thin trail of blonde hair that disappeared under his jeans.

I swallowed a shaky breath and asked, "Why do you let her hang all over you and follow you around if she annoys you?"

"Because dealing with her clingy is easier than how she would be if I sent her away," he shrugged. "She's not always a cunt."

I giggled. "So what was she bitching about today?" I laid down next to him, handing him the joint that I just lit.

He inhaled deeply and, without opening his eyes, replied, "You."

"Me?" I asked, confused. "Why me?"

"Because you're my roommate and she's positive we're sleeping together or will sleep together in the future." He looked up at me then, searching my face for some kind of expression.

"Oh yeah. Since we're roommates now, it's obvious that we have to be sleeping together," I said, my voice dripping sarcasm.

"Well, we kind of did last night," he laughed. "Sleep together, I mean."

I had no argument there. We had slept in the same bed last night. If anyone had walked in, they surely would have thought the same thing that Pansy did. And of course by lunch the next day everyone in the whole school would be gossiping about us. The Slytherin Prince banging a Gryffindor. It would be a shock to all.

"She doesn't like how nice I am to you when she's around," he admitted. "And, by the way, I don't think you're a low-life Gryffindor."

"You heard that?" I asked, shocked.

"I heard all of it. I like that you stand up to Pansy. Someone should." We stared at each other for several long moments. "Anyway," he finally said, hopping up off the bed and plucking a bottle of wine from my nightstand. "You want a drink or what?"

I blinked a few times, thinking. I felt weird now knowing that Pansy could see something different between us even after one night of hanging out. I crossed my arms tightly across my chest and looked down at the comforter. My anxiety was getting the best of me. "I don't know. Maybe us trying to be friends isn't a good idea," I said quietly.

Draco sighed and put the bottle back down where it was before. He slowly reached out to me, taking my hands and gently unfolding my arms. I could feel the tenseness roll off of me as he did this and I closed my eyes. He placed my hands next to my sides and held them for a moment.

"Look at me," he finally said.

I did. I looked up into his beautiful steely gray eyes. There was a sadness to them that I had never noticed before. Like he was lonely. His hair hung in his eyes the way it always did and his mouth was set in a hard line. He put one of his hands on my chin, holding my head up so I wouldn't look away. "I don't want to stop hanging out with you," Draco confessed. "Believe it or not, you're actually kind of funny."

I rolled my eyes, pulling him down to sit next to me again. "But Draco, what if people find out? What if Pansy finds out?"

He shrugged. "Would it be the worst thing if people knew we were friends?" When I didn't answer he added, "You called me Draco." He grinned from ear to ear.

"Don't get used to it," I snapped, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at him.


	4. Chapter 4

**October**

"It's about damn time Ginny and Harry stopped being stubborn. They've been in love with each other for years," I told Dean, who was sprawled across the couch while I grabbed a glass of water and came back to sit with him. He moved slightly to make room for me and wrapped his arms around my waist. His face was buried in my lap.

"It was only a matter of time," Dean's muffled voice said. I giggled. When he talked it tickled against my leg. "What's so funny?" he asked, peeking up at me.

"You're tickling me," I said shyly.

A couple days after our first date, we made our relationship official and over the weeks Dean had made it a habit to hang out in my dorm until late in the evening. We'd grown a lot closer, but he had also changed as time went on. He slowly went from being the sweet funny guy I'd always known to a more serious, over protective boyfriend. Our relationship had also made Draco a little more distant. Since Dean was always around, Draco had started spending more time in the Slytherin common room. I only ever saw him in the mornings when we were getting ready for class or late at night when he came back if I was still up.

Speaking of Draco, he came into the room from the hallway just as Dean was about to kiss me. "Hi, Draco!" I said, gently pushing Dean away.

"Hey Ava," Draco said, not looking at me. He was distracted and started looking through drawers in the library. Finally he turned around. "Do you know where my green quill is?"

"Yeah. It's on my dresser," I told him. "I borrowed it a couple days ago."

"Oh yeah. I'll just get it and give you two some privacy," he said and he disappeared up the stairs. He returned a moment later with the quill in hand. "See you later."

I watched him go. That was probably the most he's said to me in weeks. I didn't understand where the distance had come from, but since my relationship with Dean had gotten a little more serious he was conveniently busy every time I wanted to hang out.

I realized that I'd spaced out and turned back to Dean. He was glaring at me. "What?"

"Don't what me," he snapped.

I swallowed hard. I honestly was very confused. "What did I do?"

He jumped up off the couch and towered over me. "Why the fuck are you letting that ass hole go in your room?" he yelled. "I haven't even been in your room, but you let a slimy Slytherin go in there like it's nothing!"

I tried to respond, but I was frozen where I sat. I could feel the cold, terrified sweat beading on the back of my neck. Dean's reaction was reminding me of my father and even though I had learned how to fight back against my dad, I was rooted to the spot with Dean. I never imagined he would ever act like this. He was over protective, yes, but overly jealous and possibly violent? This was a shock to me.

"Oh, so now you have nothing to say?" Dean seethed. "Did you sleep with that bastard?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I could tell my silence was making him angrier. Ignoring my dad always let out a fury in him, too.

"Answer me!" he screamed. He reached out and grabbed my arm, yanking me up off the couch to stand in front of him. He squeezed my arm tight enough to make me whimper in pain. "Are you fucking him?" His voice was low and terrifying.

"No!" I winced as he squeezed harder.

"Then why are you letting him in your room?"

My breathing was fast and my voice was shaking as I responded, "I don't know. I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"You're damn right it won't," he snapped. After a moment of me whimpering, he pushed me back on the couch and ran a hand through his hair. "I have to go. I can't even look at you right now."

He slammed the door on his way out and as soon as I knew he was really gone, I rubbed my arm where he grabbed me, knowing full well that there would be a bruise in a few hours.

I wasn't surprised that I didn't cry. I'd stopped crying about my abusive father long ago and I wasn't about to let Dean make me start again. I was sad, though. I think it was mostly because, once again, I've found myself in a situation like I was always in when I went home to Scotland. I never thought it would happen at Hogwarts.

Deciding I needed something to take my mind off of everything, I quickly went up to my room and swallowed two pills, chasing them with a full glass of wine. I grabbed my cigarettes and went back downstairs to lay on the floor in front of the fire while I smoked. After half an hour and four cigarettes I finally drifted off to sleep.

I sat up quickly with a sharp intake of breath. My arm was throbbing. I looked down to find a series of bruises just below my shoulder and leaned back against fluffy pillows as I remembered the previous night. Dean had a violent outburst because I let Draco in my room to get a quill. It sounded so ridiculous when I thought about it. There had to be something else going on in his head. Maybe I would talk to him about it at breakfast.

It was then that I realized I wasn't where I thought I would be. I remembered falling asleep on the floor in front of the fireplace down stairs, but that's not where I was now. I was comfortable in my own bed, resting my head on my own pillows. The room around me was cleaner, too. All of my clothes were stacked neatly on the chair in the corner and all of the empty wine glasses had disappeared. Someone must have tidied up while I was asleep.

I got out of bed and grabbed my robe, tying it around myself as I made my way down the stairs to the common room. Draco was sitting on the couch in front of the fire with a cigarette in his hand. He seemed like he was in a trance as he stared into the flames. I wasn't even sure he knew I was there. His free hand gripped the edge of the couch tightly and his jaw was locked shut. Was he mad?

Quietly, I inched closer to him and lightly brushed my fingertips over the back of his hand. His eyes snapped up to me and in an instant his whole body softened. "Good morning," I whispered.

He grabbed my hand and gave it a small squeeze. "Good morning," he said back. He slid over on the couch and gently pulled me down to sit next to him. I stared down at our hands that were still laced together and could feel my heart start to beat faster. "Are you OK?" he asked quietly.

I nodded, not looking away from our hands. I could feel his eyes question me, but he stayed silent. Then he handed me a cigarette and lit it for me. We sat in silence until both of our cigarettes were gone. It was a comfortable silence that I hadn't had in a long time. We didn't feel forced to have a conversation. We were fine just being with each other sometimes. "Did you clean my room?" I asked.

He nodded and continued to study me until I started to fidget under his gaze. "I'm only going to ask you this once," Draco said finally. It was then that I looked up at him. There was a worried crease between his eyebrows and he had dark circles under his eyes. "Did Dean hurt you last night?"

I frowned, thinking rapidly about my answer. I decided that I didn't want to get into it. "No," I said.

Draco sighed. "Then what are these?" he asked as he slowly slid the arm of my robe down to reveal the fresh purple marks on the top of my left arm.

I pulled away from him quickly, pulling my sleeve up to cover the marks again. "It's nothing. I bumped into something last night."

"Don't lie to me, Ava. Those are fingerprints on your arm," he said calmly. When I stayed silent, he continued. "When I got back last night, I found you passed out on the floor. I tried to wake you up, but when I couldn't I carried you to your room. Did he knock you out?" I shook my head no. "Did you take something?"

"It's your fault," I finally snapped, defensively. I could feel myself putting up a wall. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. It's what I'm used to.

"What did I do?" Draco asked, surprised.

"You're the reason I fought with Dean last night," I said viciously, standing up suddenly. "It's all your fault. You keep talking to me and trying to be my friend and it's causing problems for me with Dean!"

Draco stood up as well. "Do you really believe that him being jealous is a reason for him to put his hands on you?"

"He didn't put his hands on me. Like I said, I bumped into something." When Draco looked at me skeptically I added, "I bruise easily."

"Fine, you bumped into something and it bruised you to hell but don't blame your relationship problems on me. I did nothing wrong. If he can't handle the idea of us being friends, why would you want to be with him? Are you just going to let him control you?" Draco was practically pleading with me now.

"Friends? You think we're friends?" I asked. I didn't know where this was coming from anymore. I knew I was being unnecessarily mean at this point, but I couldn't stop it. "Draco, we're not friends. We get high together. We tolerate each other because we live together. That's it. People like us aren't supposed to be friends."

It was deadly silent for what felt like a lifetime. Finally, Draco sighed, "Fine." And he left without another word.

Slowly, I went back up to my room. After locking the door I slid down the wall and sobbed, hugging my knees to my chest. It was the first time I let myself cry in years. I pushed away the only person I'd ever been able to be completely honest with.

I'm not sure how long I sat on the floor of my room, but before I knew it the sun had gone down and there was a knock coming from the door downstairs. I knew Draco wasn't here so with a sigh I headed downstairs and opened the door.

"Why weren't you in class today?" Ginny demanded, pushing past me and turning towards me with her hands on her hips and her lips tight. She looked very much like her mother, Molly Weasley right now.

I shut the door. "Hey Gin. How are you?"

She shook her head. "Answer the question."

"I didn't feel good today," I answered. It wasn't a lie.

"Dean said you weren't feeling well last night, but he seemed weird when I asked him. And you seem weird now. I don't believe either one of you so spit it out," she said, dragging me to the couch and plopping us both down. "Did you two have a fight?"

"How did you know?" I asked.

"Because I know you. Whenever you fight with someone you disappear so you don't have to face them until absolutely necessary. You're not fighting with me so it must be the boyfriend," she explained. "We've been best friends for five years, Ava, and I know we haven't hung out as much this year as we usually do, but you can still talk to me."

"I know," I said, letting her hug me. "Dean has noticed that Malfoy and I have been somewhat decent to each other over the last month," I said with a shrug.

"Well, yeah. It sucks that you have to room with him, but you don't want him to hate you. He has access to you in ways other people don't now," Ginny said, understanding.

"Exactly. Well, Dean is jealous. He thinks we're becoming too close just because I let Malfoy go get a quill out of my room." Ginny made a face then. "What?"

"Well, I understand how you might think it's no big deal, but have you even let Dean in your room yet? He might feel threatened by Malfoy now that he knows you've let him in your most personal space but not your own boyfriend," she said this slowly so I could let it sink in.

I sighed. "I guess I should talk to Dean, then, shouldn't I?"

"Yes, I think you should," Ginny said. "Now, where's the wine?"

We talked and shared a bottle of wine for about an hour before Draco walked in the door. He glanced at us on his way upstairs, but didn't say a word. I decided in that moment that I needed to apologize to him for that morning. Whether that meant our friendship was over or not, I still needed to get a couple things off my chest.

"I should go," Ginny said, taking our glasses to the sink and grabbing her bag. She gave me a hug and went on her way.

I let out a nervous breath as I walked up the stairs. I realized he was in the shower, but this couldn't wait or I would chicken out. With a shaky hand I knocked on the door. "Draco, can I come in?" I called through the door. I thought maybe he didn't hear me because there was no answer, but then I heard him call back.

"Yeah," his muffled voice came through the door.

I stepped into the steamy bathroom, shutting the door behind me with a snap. I swallowed as I took in the outline of Draco's naked body through the frosted glass of the shower. My heart started to race as I realized how nervous I was. Even through the steam and the thick glass he still looked perfectly chiseled. I hopped up on the counter and forced myself to look away so I could attempt to slow my breathing before I spoke.

"Do you need the shower?" Draco asked.

"No. I wanted to apologize for this morning. I didn't mean any of those things I said," I told him honestly. I saw him pause for a moment before turning the water off. His arm slid out of the door to grab his towel, which he wrapped around his waist before stepping completely out and looking me in the eyes.

"Which part didn't you mean?" He asked.

"The part about us not being friends," I said. It was really hard not to notice every single muscle definition to his body, especially when he was almost naked and dripping wet only a few feet from me. I bit my lip and forced myself to look back at his face.

Draco smirked. My wandering eyes didn't go unnoticed. I'm sure my nervousness didn't either. "I know."

"You know?" I asked.

"Yeah. I know you didn't mean any of it," he said stepping closer to me. "You were angry and if you meant it you wouldn't have started crying the moment I left."

"How did you know I was crying?" I was shocked.

He shrugged. "I came back a little later and could hear you."

"If you knew why didn't you say anything?" His toweled leg brushed against my knee and I froze.

"Because you needed to figure it out for yourself. I knew you would come talk to me when you were ready," he said. "And besides, you can't stay mad at me for too long."

I scowled and crossed my arms over my chest. "And what makes you so sure of that?"

He leaned into me, placing his hands on either side of me on the counter. His nose grazed my cheek and he whispered in my ear, "Because I think you're falling for me."

I was trembling from the closeness of his skin, but I forced myself to say, "I'm with Dean."

He leaned back slightly to look at me, but didn't move his hands. "Doesn't matter."

I pushed him away and hopped off the counter, coming to my senses suddenly. "Yes, it does. I'm not a cheater."

"I didn't say you were."

"Even if I wasn't with Dean, it's not like we could be together," I argued, more with myself than with Draco.

"What makes you think that?"

"You're with Pansy!" I said, tossing my hands up.

"I already told you I'm not," he said. He sighed and pressed his index finger to my mouth when I started to argue some more. "If I was with Pansy would I do this?"

Without warning he lifted me back up on the counter, tangled his hands in my hair and pressed his lips to mine. My instinct was to push him away, but that failed when he deepened the kiss by running his hands down to my hips and pushing his tongue into my mouth. I gave in and wrapped my legs around him, pulling him closer. My hands tangled in his hair, locking him in place. We both let out a soft moan when his growing erection touched the sensitive spot between my legs.

"No!" I yelled suddenly, pushing him away from me. I hopped off the counter and said, "You can't do that."

"Why not?" he asked just as breathless as I was. "We both want to." He cupped my face and had a pleading look to his eyes.

I leaned into his hand, but only for a moment. "We just can't," I whispered sadly before retreating to my room.


	5. Chapter 5

I was sitting at the very end of the Gryffindor table for breakfast, safely nestled between Hermione and Ginny with Ron and Harry across from us. I felt protected from the two people I wasn't ready to see yet. It was the morning after Draco kissed me and two days since my fight with Dean and I hadn't spoken to either one of them yet. It wasn't because I was scared. I just really didn't want to. I wasn't ready to have the conversation with Dean about our fight and I really had no idea what to say to Draco anymore.

Draco was sitting not too far away at the Slytherin table laughing with his friends as usual. He was acting like everything was perfect in his little world, but I could see right through him. He had dark circles under his eyes like he always did when he couldn't sleep and every so often his eyes would shift over to me. It was only for a second, but it was enough for me to know that he cared.

Dean was a little ways down the Gryffindor table picking at his food. He looked miserable and like he hadn't slept in days. His eyes would wander over to me every now and then and he would give me a sad look when he was able to catch my eye. I was glad he was miserable. He deserved every moment of the feeling. But I also felt kind of bad for him. Besides that night he'd always been so sweet. I felt like he deserved a second chance.

With a sigh, I told my friends good-bye and walked over to where Dean was sitting, very aware of a certain pair of silvery eyes on me. "Can we talk?" I asked without sitting down. Dean looked hopeful as he nodded and grabbed his bag, following me out of the great hall. I didn't dare look back to where Draco was. A look from him would make me change my mind of making up with Dean.

We found a secluded bench to sit on in one of the halls leading down to Potions, which was our first class of the day. I stared at my hands while I thought of what to say, but he ended up speaking first.

"I'm so sorry I lost my temper the other day," Dean said, burying his face in his hands. "I'm sorry I hurt you." His voice was muffled now, but I let him continue. "I'm so ashamed of myself."

I sighed and placed my hand on his arm. He looked over at me. "I forgive you."

His eyes widened. "You do?"

I nodded. "Everyone has bad days. Everyone has their moments when they lash out or they don't really know how to react so the first thing that comes to mind is to get angry. I'm willing to give you another chance."

Dean smiled and pulled me into a hug. "So, will you still go to the Halloween Festival with me?"

"Of course," I said, still hugging him. The Halloween Festival was really just a costume party out on the grounds. There were ghosts and twinkly lights and tons of alcohol that always seemed to be smuggled in somehow. I wanted us to go as Romeo and Juliet, but Dean wasn't having it. He said he _had_ to go as James Bond. Whatever. So I decided to go as a huntress instead.

"I love you," he whispered, breathing in the coconut scent of my hair.

I blinked a few times before pulling away and looking at him. "What?"

"I love you, Ava," he said again.

I didn't say anything. I just forced a smile and pulled him in for another hug. I felt guilty as I realized that the only person that came to mind when I thought about love was Draco Malfoy.

"You look amazing!" Ginny squealed as she took in my reflection in the mirror. We were in Hermione's room getting ready for the Halloween Festival.

"You really do," Hermione chimed in.

"Thanks. I just hope he thinks so," I mumbled, smoothing my skirt.

"Who, Dean?" Ginny asked, fastening a pin into her tightly wrapped bun. She'd decided to go as a ballerina from swan lake. She had a fluffy white tutu and her legs seemed to go on for days in the white tights she had on. Her leotard was adorned with glittery jewels and her make-up was light and natural.

"What? Oh, yeah. Of course I mean Dean," I said frowning. I hadn't even realized I added that last part out loud. I was actually hoping Draco liked my costume. I knew he loved archery. I was in all black wearing a leather crop jacket that wrapped down around my arms and hooked onto my middle fingers. The jacket buttoned in the front and pushed my breasts up, making them look fantastic. Four inches of my stomach showed, revealing my belly button piercing that not a lot of people knew I had. Tonight a small arrow charm hung from it. A matching leather skirt with cross-stitching was wrapped tightly around my hips with black tights underneath. Black knee-high lace up boots with four inch heals were on my feet. My make-up was dark with lots of eyeliner and dark red lipstick. I had a lacy black mask painted across my eyes and my long, dark hair flowed down my back like waves.

"Is everyone ready?" Hermione asked, waiting by the door in her Queen Mary costume. She had a long flowing dress made of lavender silk and her hair was pinned up in a very old fashioned style. She looked great, though.

I grabbed my bow, swinging it over my shoulder so it hung across my chest and Ginny and I followed her out into the common room where the boys were already waiting.

"You look amazing," Dean said, leaning down and giving me a quick kiss. He was in a sleek black tuxedo and had a flask tucked into his pocket.

"Thanks," I said. "Can we go?" I was anxious to see Draco's face when he saw me. I felt giddy and sexy and a little guilty. It was kind of mean that I was doing this to get a rise out of Draco, but he'd barely said a word to me in the last week and I needed to know he still cared.

The grounds outside the castle were ablaze with drinking, dancing and laughter. Everyone was in costume and had a smile on their face. This was one of the few school-wide parties we had where the professors didn't want to waste their time chaperoning because half the students were wearing masks and it made it that much more difficult for them to keep track of the people breaking the rules.

"Want something to drink?" Dean asked. I nodded and watched him take off into the crowd with Harry and Ron.

"Dance with me," I pleaded to my friends, who agreed and dragged me out in the middle of the thriving bodies.

A fast, club-tech song came on and I moved my body to the beat. Throwing my arms over my head and closing my eyes. I let the music consume me and let everything that had happened over the last two months leave my mind. I would not think about Dean's possessive behavior or my feelings for Draco while I danced. I would not think about my scars or my father. I was just here with my friends, having fun. I needed this terribly.

As the music shifted over to a slightly slower song, I adjusted my movements to match the beat and my eyes landed on a familiar blonde-haired Slytherin. He was standing right along the edge of the forest with a drink in his hand and his usual friends surrounding him. He was wearing ripped jeans and a white button-down shirt that was only half buttoned to reveal part of his toned chest. Leave it to a Malfoy to have the least done up costume and still look fantastic. He was staring at me, his mouth slightly open in what looked like awe. I winked at him and kept dancing.

After several hours of dancing and drinking and talking with friends, I decided to sneak away for a minute so I could breath. After Dean saw me dancing without him, he'd gotten very attached to my side and wouldn't let me go anywhere unless his arm was around me or I was holding his hand. I waited until he was in a deep conversation about Quidditch and mumbled that I had to use the bathroom before taking off into the castle.

I was very drunk, but I ran down the hall and around the corner as quickly as I could just in case Dean decided to follow me. When I knew I wasn't being followed I leaned against the wall and took a deep breath. It was short lived, though because before I knew it someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into the closest class room, shutting the door behind us with a snap.

"What the fuck?" I slurred, blinking several times to get my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Slowly Draco came into view. "What are you doing?"

"No, what are _you_ doing?" he snapped at me. "Do you like being the biggest tease ever?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, studying my nails in a bored fashion.

"That costume," he started, his eyes raking over me hungrily. "And the dancing. You winked at me, which means you knew what you were doing to me."

"What was I doing to you, Draco?" I asked, taking a step closer to him. He backed up a step and I had to keep from laughing as I took another step forward. I backed him into the wall next to the door and slid my hands over his chest.

"Stop," he said with a groan.

"You don't mean that." My hands grazed the skin above his jeans.

He grabbed my hands and held them still. "You're drunk," he stated.

"And?" I reached up and placed a soft kiss on his neck. When I tried to kiss him again he pulled away, causing me to pout. "What? You don't want me now?"

He shook his head. "Not like this."

"Then how do you want me?" I drawled, feeling the alcohol take over even more. I walked my fingers up his chest. "You can have me any way you want." I leaned in and whispered in his ear, "Think about it." And I turned on my heels and walked out the door to go back to the party.

I found Dean right where I left him. And, go figure, they were still talking about Quidditch. I was unsteady on my feet at this point so I clung to his strong arm for support while I chugged another drink. I knew I probably should have stopped, but I didn't want to. I had a big feeling that Dean was going to try to convince me to let him come back to my room tonight and if that ended up happening, I wanted as much help forgetting it as I could get.

"Are you alright, Ava," Ginny murmured quietly to me as she approached us.

"Yeah," I mumbled. "Just a little tipsy. I think it's time for me to go to bed."

"I'll walk you," Dean said, breaking away from his conversation finally. He pulled me close and steered me towards the castle.

"Bye Gin," I mumbled.

I vaguely remembered walking through the castle, clutching Dean's side so I wouldn't fall over. At some point he actually had to pick up me because I couldn't walk anymore. I watched the halls pass by in a blur and then the halls turned into my common room and the stairs going up to my room. I noticed that Draco's door was shut just before Dean shut my own door. He sat me on the bed and started unlacing my boots.

"You don't have to do that," I slurred, watching him.

"Do you feel up to taking them off on your own?" I gave him a terrified look and he laughed. When both of my boots were off he helped me get the bow untangled from my body and set it on my nightstand. "I'll see you in the morning," he said, leaning down to kiss me on the forehead.

I tilted my head up to him and caught his lips with mine. "Stay," I whispered when we broke apart.

Without another word I watched him pull his shirt off to reveal a smooth chest and stomach. There was muscle definition, but nowhere near the amount that Draco had. I pulled him in for another kiss while his hands worked fast on the buttons of my jacket and before I knew it, we were both naked under the sheets. The rest of the night was a blur of kisses and skin touching bare skin.

The sun beamed through the window and hit my face, waking me up with a groan. I pulled the covers up to block the unwelcome light and immediately regretted moving. Every muscle in my body was sore and my head pounded with a hangover headache. I knew I was naked and the events from the previous night swirled in my head like a tornado.

I looked next to me and was mildly surprised that Dean wasn't there. I was glad that he wasn't because a disgusting feeling rose in my stomach and I immediately leaned over to throw up into the waste basket next to my bed. When I was done I was able to sit up, placing a hand on my forehead as I watched the room spin around me. It wouldn't surprise me if I was still a little drunk. I drank my body weight in liquor last night. Slowly, I placed my feet on the floor and crossed my room to look at myself in the mirror. I gasped at the sight before me.

My hair was a tangled mess that cascaded down my back and my eyeliner was smudged, but surprisingly still decent looking. I had fingerprint bruises on my hips and hickeys on my collar bone and thighs. I turned around to find scratches on my back. I didn't remember Dean being too rough or ever being in pain, but then again, I was also too drunk to care.

I threw on a pair of leggings and a loose t-shirt, tied my hair into a messy knot on the top of my head and headed downstairs to get a cup of tea. I was grateful that the shower was running. Maybe I could sneak back to my room before Draco came down. Unfortunately, I was greeted by Pansy's ugly pug nose seated at the kitchen table.

"Whoa. Rough night?" Pansy giggled. I rolled my eyes and started making my tea. She continued, "Seriously, you don't look well. Maybe you should go see Madame Pomfrey."

"Don't you have somewhere else you can annoy somebody?" I asked without turning around.

"I'm sure I do, but you're more fun," she quipped.

"It won't be fun when I punch you in the throat for being an obnoxious cow," I groaned, rubbing my temples.

She narrowed her eyes. "You're just jealous," she said, standing up and walking around the table towards me.

I scoffed. "Of you? What on earth would I need to be jealous of you for?"

"Because I'm with Draco and you're not," Pansy said with a smile.

"That's funny because I distinctly remember Draco saying that you weren't his girlfriend." I sipped my tea, waiting for her reaction. I was happy to see the hurt look in her eyes. She recovered quickly, though.

"Well he definitely thought otherwise last night. I haven't been fucked like that in months," she smiled an evil grin at me as I felt everything in me snap. My hands were clenched at my sides as she said, "And believe me there is no way you would ever be able to handle that man. He is way too much for you."

I needed her to stop talking. Right now. If she continued, I might do something worse than I was about to do now. Without thinking, I shoved her down on the table and pressed my arm into her neck, choking her. "Keep it up, bitch, and you won't have a tongue anymore," I hissed. "You think you have Draco wrapped around your disgusting little fingers, but ask him who he was kissing last weekend and see if that changes your mind. You are nothing but a placeholder to him."

"What's going on?" Draco asked from behind me.

I shoved Pansy roughly again and grabbed my cup of tea, striding past Draco without looking at him. I could see the confused look on his face out of the corner of my eye. "It's about time you got out of the fucking shower," I growled.

I could hear Pansy sobbing as I went into the bathroom. I slammed the door and locked it, turned on the shower to as hot as it would go and stripped down to nothing. After pulling my hair out of the bun I stepped into the water and let it rain over me, washing away all of my anger. Even with the water running over my ears I could still hear the yelling from downstairs.

After I finished washing myself, I continued to stand under the hot water. I heard a door slam several minutes ago and it was quiet now. There was a knock on the bathroom door. I didn't say anything. Maybe he would go away. I realized he wasn't going to give up after he jiggled the handle and knocked a few more times.

"Come on, Ava. Let me in," Draco begged.

I was irritated again as I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. I didn't bother to grab a towel because I wanted him to see the marks Dean left on me from last night. I wanted to hurt him like I was hurting. I was so angry at him for sleeping with Pansy and I knew I had no right to be, but I couldn't help it. The thought of him with her made me want to puke again.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" I asked after I yanked the door open in all my naked glory.

He froze. I'd obviously caught him off guard. His eyes scanned my body, taking in every inch of me. He saw every bruise. Every love bite. Every scar and curve of my figure. He gulped before returning his eyes to my face. "I didn't know you had a tattoo," he said, glancing back at the small arrow between my breasts. I glared at him so he got to the point, shaking himself out of it. "What the hell was that?"

I rolled my eyes and turned around to grab my towel. I wrapped it around my body and pushed past him. He followed me to my room and waited for me to answer. Honestly, I didn't have one. Finally, I said, "I was tired of hearing her voice." At least it was true.

"That might be why you shoved her," Draco said, folding his arms and leaning against the door frame. He was calmer than I expected him to be. "But it's definitely not why you threatened her and told her about our kiss. You did that out of spite."

"Well, sorry for hurting your precious Pansy," I said, tugging on a pair of jeans and a sweater before turning back around.

"I don't care about that. I want to know why you're so mad," he said.

"I'm not mad." I lied. "I have no reason to be mad. You had your girlfriend over last night just like I had my boyfriend over last night. That's it."

He let out a frustrated sigh. "How many times do I have to tell you, she's not my girlfriend."

"She seems to think she is so either you're lying or she's a psycho," I said, yanking the tangles out of my hair roughly with a brush.

"Why would I lie to you about that?" he asked.

"Why would she?" I yelled.

"What does it matter anyway?" Draco said, "You have a boyfriend."

"Exactly. Which is why I'm not mad."

"But you are mad!" His voice was starting to rise in frustration.

"Fine!" I growled, slamming my brush down on the table and spinning around to face him. "I am mad! I'm pissed that you kissed me and no matter what I do, it's all I can fucking think about. I dream about that damn kiss every night and I can't do anything to stop it. I'm pissed that I was wasted enough to sleep with Dean, my overly-aggressive boyfriend, instead of the person I really wanted to be with. And I'm so fucking pissed that I threw myself at you last night only to be denied and then I wake up to find that disgusting whore in my kitchen bragging about her wild night with you." He stared at me with wide eyes. I looked at the ground, defeated. "Look. It doesn't matter what happened last night anymore-"

"Ava, don't-" Draco cut me off but stopped as I held up my hands to silence him.

"Please, Draco. I need to say this. One of us needs to stop this before it goes any farther." I begged him silently with my eyes to just listen to me. "I have a boyfriend. You have Pansy – whatever she is to you. That's it. Whatever else we've been feeling towards each other needs to be squashed. Obviously trying to be friends was a mistake, so now I'm making the decision for both of us. We need to go back to how things were when the year started. We are nothing more than roommates."

Draco came forward suddenly, placing his hands on my arms and looking down at me. I couldn't bring myself to look at his face. "You know we can't just go back to that now. We've already gone too far for that."

I was silent for a long time as he waited patiently for my response. It was true. I wanted him just as much as he wanted me, but I just couldn't do it. I wasn't ready and I was scared. I couldn't tell my friends about us. They would hate me. I already had no family. I don't know what I would do if I lost my friends, too. I still couldn't bring myself to look at him as I said, "You'll just have to learn to adjust." I left him standing in my room and I didn't dare to look back.


	6. Chapter 6

**November**

A few weeks had passed since the fight with Draco and so far I'd stuck to my word. We went back to how things were the first week of school and only said hello and goodbye as we passed each other in the common room. It wasn't for his lack of trying, though. The first few days were the hardest because he kept up with little things to try and change my mind. He left another joint in the box he'd gotten me and he made me tea in the mornings. But after a while he grew tired of getting no response and took the hint.

It physically hurt not talking to him. Every time I passed him in the hall with Pansy hanging on his arm or holding his hand it felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. He'd obviously made up with her after he gave up on me because they went back to being together all of the time. I wasn't sure if he had her in our dorm anymore. If he did, he was good at hiding it. For that, I was thankful.

I'd changed over the weeks, too. I became more distant from my friends and from Dean. I was quiet during classes and I would make excuses not to hang out after meals, blaming it on homework or that I didn't feel good. Then I would retreat to my room where it had become a habit to put silencing charms around my room so I couldn't hear anything on the other side of my door and whatever was on the other side of the door couldn't hear me either.

In my room I would smoke and drink and put myself in a drug induced coma. It was the only thing that kept my mind off of Draco and controlled my anxiety. If I forgot to take an oxy before bed, I ended up having nightmares and would wake up screaming and drenched in a cold sweat.

Now, I sat on a bench under a tree by the black lake with Dean. He'd convinced me that I needed to get out of the castle for a while. It honestly felt nice to have the chilly, Fall air on my face and I knew I couldn't avoid my boyfriend forever.

"Are you sure you're OK?" Dean asked for the millionth time, holding my hand in his. "You've been distant."

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm fine, really," I told him, giving his hand a squeeze for reassurance.

"Is it your dad?" he asked.

"What?" I asked, confused. "Why would you think that?"

"Harry mentioned that your dad isn't really that nice to you. With the holidays coming up, I figured you were trying to decide whether to go home or not," he explained.

It made sense, but I didn't feel like lying to him again. "Oh, no. That's not what's been bothering me. I already decided not to go home for Christmas."

"Then what is it? You can tell me," he said with a smile. He pulled me closer then, tucking me under his arm.

I sighed. I knew I was about to make him mad, but I didn't really care at the moment. "It's Malfoy," I said. I felt him tense next to me, but he didn't say anything so I continued. "We had a fight a couple of weeks ago about having people in our dorm and it's just been hard living with him since then."

"So he has a problem with me staying with my own girlfriend?" Dean said, anger lacing his voice. He got up suddenly and started taking giant strides back to the castle, fists tight at his sides.

"Where are you going?" I called, running after him to catch up.

"To finally settle this with that ferret," he growled.

"Dean, don't do anything stupid," I pleaded, grabbing his arm and trying to stop him. He pulled himself roughly from my grasp and continued down the hall. "Please, Dean. This is my problem, not yours."

He burst through the door into my common room and I was finally able to step in front of him, blocking his way up the stairs. "Get out of my way."

I could see the rage in his eyes, but I didn't move. "No," I said sternly. "I'm not going to let you make things worse."

Before I knew it, a loud smack sounded through the room and I was on the floor clutching my cheek. He'd lost control in an instant and back-handed me hard enough that I saw stars. Tears spilled down my cheeks as I sat there, blinded by tears and anger.

"Shit," I heard Dean mutter. He bent down and tried to help me up. "I'm so sorry, Ava. I didn't mean to."

"Don't touch me," I snapped and he jumped back slightly. Slowly, I got back to my feet and looked up at him. "Get out," I whispered.

"No. Please, don't make me leave," he begged. "I'm so sorry, Ava, really. It will never happen again. I'll leave Malfoy alone, I promise." I didn't say anything as he dropped to his knees, hugging me around the waist and burying his face in my stomach.

The tears poured faster from my eyes. I wasn't crying because he'd hit me. I've been hit before. I was crying because I knew Draco would never do something like this to me and what had I done? I went and pushed him away. "Get. Out," I repeated, biting out the words through my teeth.

"Please," Dean begged.

"I'm pretty sure she said get out."

Dean and I both looked towards the door where the stern voice had come from. I was shocked to see Draco with an angry look on his face. He had a bad habit of sneaking into rooms at the most inconvenient times. I briefly wondered how long he'd been standing there, but that thought quickly left as Dean scrambled to his feet. I was frozen on the spot.

"What are you going to do? Throw me out?" Dean said, rounding on Draco.

"If it comes to that," Draco responded calmly.

"I'd like to see you try." They were only inches apart now. Dean was at least a few inches taller, but Draco definitely had more muscle and I didn't doubt that if everything came down to a fight, Draco would win.

"Look," Draco said, taking off his school robe and tossing it on the couch. "I don't want to fight you, because, believe me, you would have to be in the hospital wing for several days, I would probably lose my Prefect badge and, let's face it, this is a really nice shirt. I don't want blood getting all over it. But if you don't do as Ava asked you several times and get out of here now, I will be forced to beat you to a bloody pulp."

Dean lunged at Draco, but was too slow. Draco dodged his punch with astonishing ease and elbowed him square in the face, sending Dean's tall frame to the floor. Blood poured from his nose and he groaned in pain. "You broke my nose!" he yelled.

Draco shrugged. "I warned you. Now get the fuck out or that won't be the only thing I break today."

Without another word or turning back to me, Dean took off into the hallway, hopefully to go get his nose fixed. Draco calmly shut the door again and turned back around. A pained look flashed across his face as he took in the red hand print on my cheek and I quickly reverted my eyes to the ground, ashamed. He crossed the room slowly.

"Are you OK?" he asked. I nodded, still looking at the ground. "Are you hurt?" I shook my head, no. He grazed a soft hand over the mark on my cheek and I winced. "We should put some ice on that."

"I'm fine," I argued, backing out of his reach.

"You need ice," he ordered. Without another word he retreated into the kitchen, quickly bagging some ice cubes and coming back over to me.

"I don't need you to take care of me," I said, but I let him pull me to the couch and I let him sit close to me while he held the ice pack to my red cheek.

"I know you don't," he said quietly. We stared into each others eyes for what felt like a lifetime. I wish I knew what was going through his head. "Are you sure you're OK?" Draco asked, looking away suddenly.

"People keep asking me that," I snapped. "If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't say it. I'm fine, Draco." I stared into the fireplace. I didn't care if we talked anymore. I just wanted him here with me. I was so grateful that he came into the room when he did, but I was also really upset that he had to witness that. It only gave him more ammo towards getting me to break up with Dean.

An hour went by and the sun had gone down before either one of us spoke again. Draco hopped up off the couch and went into the kitchen. "Are you hungry?" he asked, pulling a few things out of the cabinets.

"Sure," I said, turning my whole body towards him on the couch. I watched him throw a few things into a pot and turn the stove on. He leaned against the counter as he waited for the contents to boil. This was the first time I had really looked at him in quite some time. He still looked like the same Draco I knew, but different. Sadder. On edge, almost. And tired. I suddenly got the unbearable urge to hug him. Before I could stop myself I was on my feet. I threw my arms around his neck and felt his arms instinctively wrap around my waist. I held him tightly for several long moments before letting go and stepping back a considerable amount.

"What was that for?" he asked, stunned.

"I've never said thank you," I said quietly. "For some reason you always seem to be there when I need you, no matter how awful I've been."

"Nothing's changed here," he said, looking me in the eyes. "I still feel the same way I did weeks ago even if I haven't acted like it."

"Draco-," he held up a hand to stop me.

"I know," he said. "You have a boyfriend. And I won't start my argument on why you shouldn't be with him because I know you won't listen, but I would bet all of my inheritance that I could treat you so much better than that scumbag does."

"I don't understand," I said, shaking my head.

"You don't understand what?"

"Why would you want to be with me?" I asked. "What have I done to make you like me like you do?"

He thought for a moment and sighed. "You're just you. In my eyes, you're perfect."

Later that week the castle was busy with everyone getting ready for the Thanksgiving feast. The halls were decorated with colorful leafy garlands and pumpkins sat in every corner. There was chattering and smiling faces all around me. It made me sick to see when I was so undeniably miserable.

After having dinner with Draco we'd gone straight back to no talking. I was hiding my sadness from my friends, plastering on a fake smile and letting them drag me into their conversations at every meal. Dean was relentless in trying to get me to talk to him, but I had yet to do so. He even had the nerve to come by my dorm, only to get shooed away by Draco with a threat to break both of his arms. He's left flowers outside my door and brought me more of my favorite chocolates from the shop in Hogsmeade. I honestly didn't know how much longer I could avoid him.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to stop seeing Dean or not. Yes, he hit me. Yes, he's grabbed me and yelled at me over nothing, but there was still this small part of me that wanted to believe that it would get better. I wanted him to be the guy I fell head over heels in love with and the guy that would always protect me. I wanted him to be the one that would never ever hurt me. It would be so easy that way. I knew deep down who that guy really was, but I just wasn't ready to admit that to myself.

I was laying flat on my back, staring at the ceiling in my room when a small knock came on my door. "Come in," I said, not even bothering to move.

"Ava?" It was Ginny. I sat up from my spot on the floor and looked at her. There was worry in her eyes.

"Hey, Gin," I said. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to come see if you were alright," she responded, sitting down on the floor next to me.

I blinked slowly. "I'm fine," I said finally. I thought I was being pretty normal and not giving away any hints of how terrible I was actually doing. But then, I guess, I shouldn't have underestimated my best friend. She always seems to know when something is off with me whether she chooses to acknowledge it or not.

When I didn't say anything else, she said, "Malfoy came to see me."

The shock was all over my face. "W-what?" I stuttered. "Why would he do that?"

"Believe me I was just as shocked as you are, but he's really worried about you, Ava," she said. "He said that you've been going through a lot and he thought you might need me right now." I stayed quiet. I was still shocked that Draco actually took the time to find Ginny. "Please tell me what's going on," she begged, placing a soft hand over mine. "I promise, no judgment will come from me."

I didn't want to tell her. I was already ashamed and embarrassed enough with Draco knowing. But at the same time, I knew I needed to. And, besides, there was no way she was leaving until I told her _something._ I sighed, hugged my knees to my chest and said, "Dean hit me."

The color drained from her already pale face. "What?" she said, anger and disbelief lacing her voice.

"It was the heat of the moment. He was angry and I got in the way. I don't even think he realized what happened until after it was too late. Like a rage blackout." The words spilled from my mouth like vomit, rushing out quickly with no pauses.

"Don't defend him!" Ginny snapped. I swallowed hard. "Sorry," she said a little more calmly and pulled me in for a hug. "I can't believe he did that to you. He seems so perfect everywhere else."

"That's because he is perfect everywhere else," I reasoned. "Everyone has they're flaws, though."

She narrowed her eyes for a moment. "You're sounding like you might give him another chance."

I shrugged. "I don't know what I'm going to do yet."

"Ava-"

"I know!" I said, stopping her. "It should be easy. A guy hits you, you leave him." I put my head in my hands, then. Suddenly I had a headache. "But it's not that easy for me." The truth was that if I broke up with Dean, I would have one less excuse to stay away from Draco. And I was used to being abused. In a way I'd become so numb to it that it didn't bother me as much anymore.

"I get it," she said, "You don't choose who you love."

That word again. Love. Every time someone said it, I got the irresistible image of Draco in my mind. The one that was always burned into the back of my eyes when I dreamed of him. His wet hair hanging in his face and he was only wearing a towel. His muscled chest and arms only inches from me. I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. Oh, how I wish love was that simple.

It was as if Ginny could read my mind. "Is there something going on with you and Malfoy?"

My eyes snapped open and I stared at her. "Why would you think that?"

She shrugged. "Just seems like there could be."

"You're lying," I said flatly. "What do you know?"

She looked guilty suddenly. "I kind of followed you at the Halloween Festival." My eyes widened. "You came out of a classroom so I hid behind a statue and then I saw him come out a few minutes later. There were lip prints in your shade of lipstick on his neck."

I was the one to look guilty now. "I was drunk," I said. She frowned. "Nothing happened. He pushed me away."

"Is that why Dean hit you?"

"No. He doesn't know about that," I said honestly. "Why do you seem so calm about this?"

"Like I said, no judgment from me," she said, holding her hands up in surrender. "But if you say you have feelings for Malfoy, I will question your sanity just a little bit."

I sighed. "I wouldn't blame you."

She grabbed my hand and squeezed it. "But if he is someone who treats you right and you really wanted to be with him, I would do my best to accept it," she had a meaningful look on her face. "I can't speak for anyone else, though."

"Good to know," I mumbled. "And thanks, Gin. I think I might give Dean another chance, though. I want to believe he is a good guy."

She sighed and leaned her head on my shoulder. "I know. I hope he is, too."

The Thanksgiving feast was very uncomfortable. I sat in between Ginny and Seamus while Harry was on Ginny's other side and Ron, Hermione and Dean sat across from us. It was uncomfortable because I hadn't worked up the nerve to make up with Dean yet and he had been staring at me the entire meal. I did my best to avoid eye contact, but it just wasn't possible through the entire thing and every now and then I would find myself locked in a staring contest with him.

Thankfully, Seamus started talking to Dean and he reluctantly switched his gaze from me to him. Ginny took this time to have a mumbled conversation with me. "Are you going to talk to him tonight?"

"I guess," I said in a hushed voice. "I can't keep putting it off."

She nodded and then mumbled. "Someone's watching you," she tilted her head subtly to our left.

Even though I already knew who she was walking about, I still gasped slightly when my eyes landed on Draco. When he saw that I was looking at him, he quickly turned in the other direction towards Pansy. I bowed my head in sadness, but only for a moment. I would not allow myself to think like that anymore about him. I was getting back together with Dean. At least, I thought I was. I did see him locked in a deep conversation with Lavender Brown earlier today. She was probably the biggest slut in Gryffindor. He didn't know I saw him, but I did.

Slowly, the great hall was becoming less crowded and quieter as people finished eating and went off to other parts of the castle. It was now or never. I stood up, "Well, I think I'm going to get going. Dean, will you walk with me?" I could tell I'd surprised him, but he scrambled to his feet and followed me into the hall.

"Before I get into what I have to say, I need to ask you something and please be honest with me," I said quietly, without looking at him. I could feel his eyes on me even though my thick curls blocked him from view. He stayed quiet so I blurted out, "Is anything going on with you and Lavender?"

"No," he said automatically.

I finally looked up at him. He looked nervous but I couldn't tell if it was because he was lying or because he was worried I would break up with him. I decided to believe him. Before I knew it, we were stopped at my door so I turned to face him. "I've decided to forgive you," I said. He smiled and I held up a hand to keep him quiet. "That doesn't mean things will go back to how they were. I still don't fully trust you because you really hurt me."

"I know, Ava," Dean said sadly. "You have no idea how sorry I am. I've been beating myself up over what I did to you."

"I know you have and that's why I'm giving you one more chance," I said. "But if you do anything like that again, we're done."

He nodded, understanding. "It will never happen again," he vowed.

"I hope it doesn't. Now, with that being said, you can stay with me tonight if you want to, but it will be strictly to sleep. I don't want to rush back into anything until I can trust you again. Is that OK?"

"Of course. We can do whatever you want. I'm just so grateful you haven't given up on me," he said.

I gave him a small smile and took his hand, leading him through the common room to my bedroom where we stayed all night just laying in bed together and talking. We fell asleep around two in the morning, but even thought Dean was sleeping next to me, I still had dreams of a certain blonde Slytherin.


	7. Chapter 7

When I woke up the next morning the sun had already come up and Dean's arm was draped over my waist. He was still sound asleep and I didn't want to wake him. Slowly and quietly, I slipped out of bed and out of my room. Draco's bedroom door was open. I hadn't even heard him come in last night. A pang of jealousy spread through my abdomen as I realized he'd probably stayed with Pansy. I swallowed my feelings and headed downstairs to the kitchen.

I made myself a cup of tea, like I did every morning and sat down at the table. Dean had been really sweet last night. We just talked about anything that came to mind. He held me tightly, like he didn't want to let me go. He let me fall asleep in his arms and he didn't even try to kiss me. He really did seem OK with waiting to get back to our physical relationship.

The door opened and Draco came into the room. He stopped when he saw me and swallowed before closing the door. "Long night?" I asked, taking in his appearance. His hair was messy and his clothes were wrinkled. He didn't look this unkempt, well, ever.

"Something like that," he mumbled. He disappeared up the stairs only to return a few minutes later, this time in a clean shirt and sweatpants. His hair was brushed, but still hung in his eyes. He busied himself with the tea pot, careful not to look at me.

I was about to say something, but Dean came down the stairs then. He was fully dressed and looked as if he'd slept for days. He completely ignored Draco as he came over to me, placed a soft kiss on my forehead and said, "I have to get going. I haven't finished that essay for Transfiguration yet."

I nodded. It was probably best that he left before he had the chance to get into it with Draco again. "See you later," I said quietly.

As soon as the door shut behind him Draco rounded on me. "You got back together with him?" He asked in disbelief.

I looked down at my empty mug, suddenly ashamed. "I was going to tell you," I said quietly. "We made up last night after the feast."

"This is ridiculous, Ava," Draco said, shaking his head and then dropping it into his hands.

I frowned. "Why do you care? It's none of your business who I date and I wouldn't doubt you were with Pansy all night. Nice walk of shame you just did, by the way."

"That's not the point," he snapped, tossing his mug into the sink where it shattered loudly. I jumped. "He's put his hands on you. TWICE. What makes you think he won't do it again?" I had nothing to say. I knew he was right. "Are you really that stupid?"

My jaw dropped open. I couldn't believe he just said that. My heart literally broke into a million pieces just like the mug. Did he really think I was stupid? Him saying that hurt me more than any hit from my father or Dean put together. I assumed he realized how that sounded because a look of regret washed over him immediately as angry tears threatened to spill from my eyes.

"I mean-, I didn't-" he stuttered, running a hand through his hair and coming towards me.

"Don't," I said sternly. I looked up at him, wiped away the single tear that rolled down my cheek and stood up. "We have nothing to say to each other anymore. You live your life and I'll live mine."

"Ava-"

"No, Draco. I'm done." Without another word, I pushed passed him and disappeared into the bathroom for a long, hot shower.

"Oh, this one's pretty," Ginny said, fingering a pearl necklace that was on display at the jewelry store in Hogsmeade.

I nodded in agreement. We decided to spend the day together and ditched our boyfriends claiming we needed a girls only day. Reluctantly, Dean and Harry agreed to stay behind. I noticed that a lot of people decided to stay at the castle today. It was ridiculously cold out and there had been talk of a snow storm coming. Ginny and I decided to take our chances anyway.

"So how are you and Dean. Any better?" she asked when we'd moved on to get lunch. We were seated in a booth by the window.

"Much better actually," I said honestly. "He's been really sweet."

"That's good." I made a face and she raised an eyebrow. "Or not."

"I mean, I can't complain. He's being how I wanted him to be. But now he's too sweet. When he touches me I feel like he's afraid I'll break." I sipped my butterbeer thoughtfully. "He hasn't even tried to kiss me yet and it's been almost a week."

"Wow. That's some self-control he's got," Ginny said with raised eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, let's face it, you look amazingly gorgeous all the time and it's been at least a month since you guys have gotten physical, right?" she asked. I nodded. "Now that you two are back together you would think he would be anxious to get you into bed."

"Yeah, but I told him it would be awhile before I was ready to do that again," I reminded her.

"But still, he is a guy," she said. "Most guys would still try even if they didn't think it would go anywhere. Girls change their minds too often."

I sighed and looked out the window, immediately wishing I hadn't. Across the walkway just outside the little boutique stood Draco and Pansy. Draco had his usual scowl on his face as he stared off in a different direction, but Pansy was all smiles as she looked up at him. Her arms were wrapped around his abdomen and she snuggled close to shield herself from the cold.

Ginny turned to see what I was staring at. When she turned back to me I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "Things any better with you two?" she asked as casually as she could.

"We don't speak anymore." It came out harsher than I meant it to, but I was still hurt by what he said.

"Why not?" Ginny asked, genuinely concerned.

"It doesn't matter," I said. "Gryffindors and Slytherins should never try to be friends."

"Cheers to that," she said. We clinked glasses and sipped our butterbeers in silence.


	8. Chapter 8

**December**

"So you're really not going home for Christmas?" Dean asked as he lounged on my bed, tossing one of my throw pillows up in the air and catching it.

"Nope. I'm really not going," I replied, folding the last of my clean clothes and putting them in my dresser drawer. "I'm going to be alone whether I stay or go. At least if I stay here there's zero chance of me being yelled at."

Dean sat up suddenly with an expression that showed a light bulb that had just turned on in his head. "Why don't you come home with me."

I furrowed my brows. "What? No!" I blurted out, rooted to the spot.

Dean reached out and pulled me to him. "Come on, babe. It will be fun. You can meet my parents and you wouldn't have to be alone."

"But I don't mind being alone," I argued, slipping out of his arms to put away my shoes. "I don't really look forward to Christmas every year. I don't want to be a downer."

"Is Malfoy staying here for the break?" he asked coldly.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, shocked, but at the same time I wondered the same thing. Draco and I hadn't spoken in a little over two weeks now.

Dean shrugged. "Maybe you want to stay here because he's staying." A muscle jumped in his jaw.

I rolled my eyes. "Please don't do this again. You always bring him up when you don't get your way."

"Well, come with me then and I won't bring him up."

"I don't want to," I said. I was already growing tired of this conversation.

"Why?" he asked angrily, getting off the bed and towering over me.

"I'm not ready for that Dean," I said, desperate for him to understand. "And like I said, I don't look forward to this holiday. It would be better for everyone if I wasn't a miserable mess when I meet your family for the first time."

"Fine!" he yelled, picking up the black box that Draco gave me and throwing it hard across the room. It broke apart as it hit the wall and landed in pieces on the ground below.

"This is exactly why I don't want to come home with you," I yelled, but I immediately regretted it because Dean came forward then, shoving me against the wall. His large hand pressed slightly against my neck. His breath was hot and ragged with rage, but he didn't say anything. Instead, he let go of me and took off out of the room, his finger catching on my necklace and breaking the chain. It fell to the floor with a tiny ping.

When I heard the door slam downstairs I collected my broken items and sat on the floor to assess the damage. I looked at my two favorite belongings. The box was splintered on the top and the hinges had come off. The chain of my necklace was broken on a part that couldn't easily be fixed. I couldn't help it anymore, I let the tears fall. Every now and then I would let a tiny sob escape and I didn't notice that someone was watching me.

"What happened?" Draco's kind voice came from my bedroom door, causing me to jump. The box and the locket fell out of my lap.

"N-nothing. Don't worry about it," I stuttered, wiping the tears from my eyes and starting to pick up the broke items. Draco's hands were on mine in an instant, gentle as ever.

"Let me see," he said quietly. I moved my hands and watched him turn the pieces over on the floor to get a better look at them. "What happened?" he asked again.

"It was an accident," I said, scooping up the items and getting off the floor. I placed them carefully in the trunk at the end of my bed and shut the lid. When I turned around Draco was standing again.

"At least it wasn't you this time."

I stared at his retreating back with my mouth slightly open. He had a point.

It was the day before everyone would leave for Christmas break and it had been a week since I'd spoken to Dean. Actually it had been a week since I'd even seen him. I assumed he was still mad at me and doing whatever he could to avoid me. I was just glad I didn't have to deal with his temper for the last few days. I wasn't going to change my mind about spending Christmas with him and his family. I was perfectly fine staying at school by myself.

I'd just gotten back from dinner in Hogsmeade with Ginny, Hermione, Ron and Harry and was slightly disappointed that I didn't run into Draco in the common room. I'd been hoping to talk to him before everyone left for break, but, surprisingly I hadn't seen much of him over the last week either. The one time I did see him he seemed to rush to get out of the dorm before I could say anything.

When I got to my bedroom there was a giant black suede box with a silver bow tied around it sitting in the middle of my bed. I frowned, confused, but reached for the tag to see who it was from.

 _I hope these will cheer you up a bit._

 _I know things get a little tough around Christmas for you._

 _-D_

I read it over and over again, letting it process in my head. Did Draco really get me a Christmas gift? I hadn't even opened the box yet and already I had tears threatening to spill from my eyes. After several minutes of staring at the box, I finally worked up the nerve to lift the lid. I gasped when I saw what was inside.

The black wooden box that Draco had given me at the beginning of the year was completely mended and looked even better than before and my mother's locket was back to it's original state. He even had it cleaned, making the gold sparkle under the lights in my room. I hadn't even noticed the items were missing from my trunk. I set them aside to pull out what was nestled underneath them. My mouth dropped open as I took in the beautiful fabric of the dress that I now held up to my body.

It was the palest shade of gold and made of the softest silk with a halter top and a plunging neckline that came down to almost where my bellybutton would be. Accent fabric twisted around the waist to form a knot on the left hip and then flowed down to the ground. A thigh high slit on the right side made it even sexier. Then I noticed the pair of sparkly gold strappy heels that were still in the box to go with the dress.

I stood still for a very long time, examining the dress in the mirror as I held it up to myself. I still couldn't believe he'd done all of this just to try to cheer me up. It was true that I always got a little sad around this time of year. It would be five years on Christmas day since my mother died. But I didn't remember telling Draco any of this before. Did he just know how I felt somehow?

I decided that I needed to talk to him and went to wait for him in his room. I realized I'd never actually been in his room before as I took in the decor around me. His king sized bed was covered with black sheets, black pillows and a large fur blanket. A heavy black canopy draped from the ceiling down to the floor on both sides of the bed and the silhouette of a naked woman hung over the headboard. A small desk sat in the corner by the window with stacks of parchment and books littering the entire surface. An overstuffed armchair was next to the bed and his nightstand only had a pack of cigarettes next to the lamp.

I made myself comfortable in the armchair and pulled the emerald green blanket that was draped over it onto my lap. I held it up to my face and inhaled deeply. The blanket smelled like Draco. A mix of cinnamon and the manly cologne he always wore. I loved the way he smelled. It always seemed to put me at ease no matter how tightly I was wound that day.

Luckily I didn't have to wait long for him. I heard the door shut downstairs and he came into the room a minute later. He paused in the doorway, surprised to see me in his room.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"Hi," he said back. "You look comfortable."

"Sorry, I wanted to make sure I didn't miss you," I explained, draping the blanket back over the chair and standing up. "I got the present you left on my bed."

"Good," he said. "I hope you like them."

"I love them," I said breathlessly. He gave me a small smile. "Seriously, Draco, I can't believe you did all of that for me."

He shrugged. "I didn't know if you had anything to wear to the Yule Ball and I saw how upset you were about the broken things. It's no big deal."

"But it is a big deal to me," I said, taking a few steps closer to him and placing a hand on my chest. "No one has ever done anything like that for me before. Why did you take the time to do all of that?" He shrugged again, making me a little frustrated. He was so confusing and so irritating all of the time. "Why do you always do that?"

"What?" he asked, frowning.

"You never give real answers," I said in a frustrated tone. "You just smirk and shrug at everything."

"Because I can't say what I really want to say to you," he said, blinking. "I can't do what I really want to do to you."

"What do you want to say and do that you think you can't?" A small part of me immediately regretted asking because I wasn't sure I really wanted to know.

Draco didn't say anything as he slowly closed the space between us, wrapping an arm around the small of my back and holding me close. "I would have to show you." His voice was low and sultry and it sent a shiver down my spine.

My lips parted slightly and I shut my eyes for a moment, trying to control my heavy breathing. "Don't Draco, please," I whispered.

"Why?" he asked.

"I have a boyfriend," I mumbled, pushing away from him but only slightly.

"So break up with him."

I shook my head. "It's not that simple."

"But it is," Draco said, pulling me close again.

"I don't know what I want yet," I confessed. He was quiet. "I have to get ready."

He let me go, but not before placing one more soft kiss on my cheekbone and whispering, "Save me a dance."

Two hours later I was slipping into the dress that Draco gave me and examining myself in the mirror. It fit perfectly. A little loose in some areas, but tight in all the right places. I didn't even have to wear a slip or anything to help smooth everything out. The knot of gold fabric rested on my left hipbone and the slit came to mid-thigh, showing off my smooth leg underneath. The plunging neckline showed off my feathered arrow tattoo that rested between my breasts. My make-up was flawless and my hair cascaded down my back in ringlets. I looked perfect.

There was just one problem. My scars.

I frowned at my reflection now. The halter top and the nonexistent back of the dress showed every inch of my scars. There was no way I could go down there looking like this, but then I remembered a spell Ginny's mother taught me that hid them and I became hopeful once more.

After casting the spell and sliding my feet into the gold shoes, I made my way down the stairs to the common room and was surprised to see Hermione and Ginny waiting in the library for me.

"When did you two get here?" I asked them.

"Malfoy let us in when he left fifteen minutes ago," Hermione said. "You look amazing, by the way."

"Thanks," I said. "You didn't want to go down to the party with Harry and Ron?"

"We thought you might need us more," Ginny chimed in, standing up and holding my hands. We know you've been having a hard time what with Christmas coming up and all."

"And your fight with Dean," Hermione said, also standing up.

I smiled and sighed. "You guys are the best." I gave them both a hug. "Ready?"

"So what exactly happened with you and Dean, anyway?" Hermione asked as we walked down the hall.

I rolled my eyes. "He wanted me to come home with him for Christmas break and I said no."

"Why did you say no?" she asked, genuinely interested.

"I'm not ready for all that. And besides, there's no telling how much longer I'll be with him anyway," I said quietly.

"Are you breaking up with him?" Ginny asked. I could see the hope in her eyes. Luckily, Hermione didn't.

"I don't know yet."

"You used that spell mom taught you?" Ginny asked.

"Yeah. This dress is gorgeous, but there's no way I would've worn it with my scars showing," I admitted.

"You would look beautiful either way," Hermione said, throwing an arm around my shoulders.

Our conversation came to an end as we stepped into the crowded great hall. The long dinner tables had been removed from the room and replaced with a dancing area and tons of twinkling lights. The ceiling showed the impression of snow falling, but no snowflakes actually touched us. A giant Christmas tree decorated to perfection sat in one corner of the room opposite a food and beverage area. Small doors on the right opened up to reveal the entrance to a courtyard that had twisting pathways that lead out onto the grounds.

We found the guys quicker than I hoped we would. All three of them were dressed in black suits with burgundy ties. They were huddled by the tree, deep in conversation. Dean had a drink in his hand and was a little wobbly. He was obviously drunk.

"You look nice," he slurred as he sipped his drink.

"Thanks," I said. My eyes scanned the room for Draco, but I didn't see him anywhere so I turned back to Dean. "I thought we were going to come down together."

He shrugged. "Yeah, sorry. I figured you were still mad at me."

"I'm not mad," I said honestly. He seemed distracted. His eyes landed on something across the room and I subtly stole a peak in that direction. He was looking at Lavender who had on a ridiculously slutty red dress. No, I think it qualified more as a shirt. Wasn't she cold? "See something interesting?" I asked.

"No." His eyes quickly looked back down at me, but I could tell he didn't want to be standing here with me. I wished he would just pass out in a corner already.

I talked with my friends for a while and was very aware of Dean's wandering eyes. Finally I got sick of it and whispered to Ginny, "I'm going to find Draco." She nodded before I turned away.

I only got a few feet from them when Dean grabbed my arm roughly. "Where do you think you're going?" he growled.

I looked past him and saw Ginny, Harry, Hermione and Ron all staring at us. Everyone was confused except Ginny. She was mad. I tore my eyes from her and looked up at Dean. "I was going to get something to drink."

"Fine, but come right back," he demanded.

"Ginny, will you come with me?" I called to her, not taking my eyes off of Dean. She hurried to my side and waited as I peeled his hand off of my elbow. I turned without another word, dragging Ginny with me.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" she raged as we pushed through the crowd to the other side of the room.

"Who the fuck knows," I told her calmly. I took a turn suddenly, pulling her into the crowd of dancing people.

"I thought we were getting a drink," she yelled over the music.

"Later. I need to dance." Luckily, I made this decision when a fast song started and I threw myself into the music, closing my eyes and tossing my head back. Ginny was right next to me doing the same. I could always count on her to go with the flow. Three songs later I was still going strong, but Ginny looked like she needed a break so I let her lead me off the dance floor.

"That was fun," I said breathlessly.

"Yes, it was. Now let's get that drink," she said, looping an arm through mine as we headed toward the drink table.

"I don't know who the hell Dean thinks he is, but he's pretty ballsy acting the way he is tonight. Especially with everyone watching," Ginny gushed as we poured our drinks. "I vote for a breakup."

"So do I," a familiar voice came from behind us and I whirled around quickly to see Draco standing casually against the wall. How long had be been there?

"Ava!" Ginny squealed and I noticed I was missing the cup and pouring champagne all over the table.

"Oops," I said, setting the bottle down. I turned back to Draco. He was smirking now and I narrowed my eyes. "Do you ever dress up for anything?" I asked rudely. He was in a white button down and black slacks. His hair was it's normal, messy style. I noticed that he actually had on a tie, though. It was the same color as my gold dress. I bit my lip nervously.

"Only when I want to," he replied, standing up straight. "Ginny, could Ava and I have a minute, please?"

I gave Ginny a 'please don't leave me' look, but she ignored me and shot a sweet smile at Draco. "Of course," she said, giving me a sharp pinch on the behind before taking off. What had gotten into her? I thought she hated him.

I followed Draco back out onto the dance floor where he proceeded to twirl me around in time to the music. My breath caught in my throat when he dipped me low to the ground and he smirked.

"Stop that."

"Stop what?" he asked, trying and failing to hide his smirk and bringing me back upright. He was an amazing dancer and it didn't surprise me one bit.

"Stop staring at me like that. I shouldn't even be out here with you. Dean can see us," I said in a fast and low voice.

"And? Let him look," Draco said, holding me closer. "Besides, I can't help the way I look at you. You're gorgeous. I knew that dress would look amazing on you." He glanced at my shoulder then. "You used a charm to cover your scars?"

"There's no way I was going to let the whole school see them. No matter how amazing I look in this dress," I told him.

He sighed. "No scar could ever take away from your beauty."

"I have to go find my boyfriend," I mumbled as the song ended.

"Then go," he said sadly.

I stood, rooted to the spot, trying to force myself to walk away from him. Again. But I couldn't. Not yet. "Did you mean what you said?"

"Which part?" he asked, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"That nothing has changed for you?"

"I'll tell you when you're single."

I closed my eyes and sighed. "I'll see you later," I said, turning and leaving him on the dance floor.


End file.
